Beauty Blenders Are A Scam

I was recently shopping at an Ulta Beauty when I overheard another patron ask an unsuspecting employee “Do you know where the sponges are at?” A deep shiver ran down my spine as I thought A) never end a sentence with a preposition, bitch and B) it’s called a beauty blender you uncultured piece of garbage.

After popping a Xannie and calming myself down, I realized my angered may have been a bit unwarranted. This woman, unbeknownst to her, was making a valid point that, in turn, caused me to have a shocking revelation. Is a beauty blender anything more than just a sponge in the shape of something I don’t remember from 9th grade geometry? Hypothetically, couldn’t we just forgo purchasing them altogether and simply use a—bear with me—regular sponge?

I’m not talkin’ about a Brillo Pad here, so don’t get your panties in a bunch, madam or sir. All I’m saying is that beauty blenders are yet another scam by makeup companies to steal our money. They take foam sponges, make them into cool shapes (like hexagons maybe? I don’t remember), and then sell them back to us at astronomical prices.

If you don’t think buying beauty blenders is costly, remember that you must replace them every month. No, it’s not technically a requirement to do so, but everyone knows makeup tools should be cleaned or replaced monthly because they get haunted or something. So that means every month I’m dropping at least $8 on a new beauty blender, which is certainly not a bargain. Here are two of the cheapest ones I found on Ulta’s website:

L’ORÉAL Infallible Blend Artist Contour Blender $7.99

I think this one is an oval. 

ECOTOOLS Perfecting Blender Duo $9.99

Can’t even begin to guess what the little one is for.

Eight to ten bucks every month for a tiny little sponge you’re just rubbing all over your face. And if those prices are too shocking for you don’t EVEN go scrolling through the original BeautyBlender website because their prices will make you vomit (spoiler: they’re $20).

It’s all a fraud, a scam, deception. The reason I know it’s overpriced is because you can buy tampons cheaper. That’s right, a pack of 34 for $6.99, and that’s just because I haven’t figured out how to make my own yet.

Back to the face sponges: even if I purchase the “cheaper” beauty blender for $7.99, and I do it once a month because I am concerned about skin germs, that means I’m spending $95.88 in a year on SPONGES FOR MY FACE.

So why can’t I just cut out the middleman, buy a regular sponge, and use it as a beauty blender? Because the mean girls at school will make fun of me? As if.

If you buy this six pack of foam sponges from Hobby Lobby, you can cut them into halves which means you will only spend $2.47 on beauty blenders FOR THE YEAR! Or—hear me out—you can get this twelve pack from Walmart, cut each one in half, and you won’t have to shop for a beauty blender for two years. Don’t be put off because the photo is of some guy waxing a car. If it’s gentle enough to polish up a hood it should be fine on your face.

If buying a regular sponge is still freaking you out for some reason, there are other DIY beauty blender ideas. These girls made a beauty blender from a travel neck pillow which is a win-win because you will end up with a lot of beauty blenders, and you will also no longer look like a moron at the airport.

Maybe I haven’t convinced you yet and you’re thinking “Brittany, beauty blenders are not sponges because they’re pink octagons” or whatever. If this is the case, look at this listing for a beauty blender on Sephora’s website:

They call it a sponge!!! The devils themselves are referring to this twenty-goddamn-dollar product as a SPONGE. My war on beauty blenders isn’t just some silly conspiracy, it’s Real Life.

This isn’t the first time I’ve exposed the truth about the greedy little trolls in the makeup industry, and it probably won’t be my last. Help me fight the good fight and stop buying beauty blenders. Support your local mom-and-pop store (or go to Walmart) and buy some foam sponges and start creating your own! Pocket that 90 some odd dollars and stop letting beauty companies skyrocket prices for itty bitty face sponges when you can purchase the exact same thing at a much lower cost!

Also you can just use your hands, which is free.