Tips to Be as Fun and Attractive in Person as You Are On Instagram

Image: Anka Allaert via Flickr

– Bend your knees at all times so everyone is looking at you from a high angle.
– If you’re not in the mood to smile, don’t exist that day.
– On friends’ birthdays, celebrate by standing next to them for the entire day to remind everyone else that you’re friends with the birthday girl!
– Get up on a stage and stay there.
– Every couple of months, be 4-years-old again. It’s cute!
– Make sure your girlfriends are very attractive but just slightly fatter than you.
– Tint the color of your skin to be purple, and if you can’t do this, give everyone else purple glasses.
– If people don’t like you today, that’s ok. Just kill yourself and try again tomorrow.
– If you don’t need to use your fingers for texting, keep them near your mouth.
– Instead of going to work, go sit in a field of roses.
– When a celebrity dies, talk about it for the rest of the day.
– If you absolutely must go to work, be the first one there and then film it.
– Only eat very brightly colored food. This is also a great health tip! But also be drinking all the time. This is less good of a health tip.
– When you see any dog, make it your dog, unless it refuses to look at the camera (in which case, set it free).
– Be at a wedding.
– Sunglasses.
– Be nice your parents! On Mother’s Day and Father’s Day only though, don’t worry about the rest of the year.
– Have a boyfriend. This one is essential. Also have him wear matching sweaters.