It Will Be A Low-Key Affair

Image: Jessica Kay Murray via Flickr

Jessica Mann and Joshua Poppaheim warmly invite you to their upcoming nuptials. The intimate, low-key ceremony will take place on the 27th of December.

Start time: Dawn
Finish time: At the end of the bell curve of your joy

The ceremony will be held on the island of Winkle, just beyond the Outer Hebrides. You can reach the island by plane, ferry, and then cart. Beware of high tides and make sure to time your trip so you can reach the island before dawn, when the ceremony starts. Remember—the donkey will not cross to the island unless the path is dry.

The ceremony will take place on the beach and be performed by our life coach and best friend, Jenny, along with our Pomeranian, Barbarella. She requests that you learn the vows attached so we can all recite them together.

Dress code: Formal beachwear.

There is only one hotel on the island, so it is circumspect to book in advance. There is almost exactly the number of rooms as the number of guests, give or take three.  It is a beautiful, boutique hotel with rooms from £275, we trust that you will enjoy the experience as much as we do.

Plus ones: You may not bring a plus one.

We kindly ask that you do not consume any alcohol until the Celtic band has started playing popular hits on their homemade instruments. We would like for the vows and speeches to be genuine and heartfelt, and for everybody who witnesses them to be fully ‘present’.

Each drink consumed thereafter will be charged to your hotel room. Remember,  as Jessica is allergic to raw fruit, there will only be hot fruit garnishes in cocktails.

We do not have a gift list, because we already have more than we could ever wish for. If you would like to show us a token of your love, please put cash in a envelope and leave it by the wedding cake.

It will put it towards our honeymoon in Malawi where we will be building flushing toilets for orphans. Please do not put your name on the envelope; we love you all equally no matter how much or how little you give.

Finally, remember to fold this invitation into an origami lovebird (instructions on the reverse) and decorate it in your unique style. You may exchange your decorated lovebird for a glass of Champagne, before you hang it on the love line. The Champagne is to be drunk alongside everyone’s toast. Don’t forget to compose an original toast!

You’re part of our treasured emotion-circle, but we need you to visit our website PoppaheimMann.Org and place a tick by your number. Your number is 379.