Pick A Bottle

A friend just sent me this meme Instagram from the meme account “ramentea.” I don’t have any content today and would suggest you continue to read other things (and absolutely do not read some other things under any circumstance, oh my god) but if you would like a break I would like to offer you this Instagram, as my friend just did to me. She said she would pick bottle number three because she “hates noise.” OK. She said her superpower would be “tweeting.” OK. Obviously this friend was incorrect for a number of reasons, but let’s not judge her. She is my friend; I love her. Let’s consider our own answers. For me, it seems like number two is the obvious answer. Eternal life is a worse fate than either loss of hair or loss of hearing, and each of those is significantly worse than not eating your favorite food ever again. (Toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) There are a lot of foods out there. Just eat a different one. Plus I don’t really care about a superpower. I believe I’ve already spoken on thehairpin.com about how being a human who can fly would make you look like a dork—up there flying like some dork, like I said—and teleportation would take some of the sweetness out of finally getting somewhere. I’m not sure what other “superpowers” a person would want. Invisibility? Why, so you can see people naked? You can see people naked all the time for free online and in their apartment windows. But $5k a week for life would be great. You can’t get that online for free, and you can only get it in an apartment window if you’re robbing someone which seems like it would take a considerable amount of effort. It would at least take more effort than just not eating your favorite food.

The last thing I want to note about ramentea’s bottle meme question is: imagine if somebody picked number three and then chose “hearing” as their superpower, as the bottle question makes a point to prohibit, like they figured out some trick. Uhhh. You got nothing now. Why’d you participate in the bottle question at all, in that case.