How To Use Sarahah As An Adult, If You Must

Sarahah is an anonymous commenting app that teens use to send sex threats to each other and that older media people who are terrified about what they’re going to do for work if the world doesn’t end up ending in the next few years found earlier this week and now use to say “I love you!” to their friends or “just keep your head down and do the work” to younger people whom they are jealous of. I got it, too, and I love it with great shame. I assume this advice will not be relevant come Monday because I feel like most people have already stopped using it, so I’m going to share some advice for adult users of Sarahah now, on Friday.

DON’T POST YOUR COMPLIMENTS ANYWHERE: This is obvious but people are still doing it. Don’t. It’s bad enough that you’re using Sarahah in the first place. Play it cool. Don’t post your compliments anywhere. “What if it’s a screenshot where I’m talking about how somebody called me a ‘turd,’ which I am pretending I think is funny, and you can also see that before that somebody gave me a compliment.” No.

DON’T PRETEND YOU’RE ON IT AS A JOKE: I know it’s embarrassing and telling of our emotional states that we’re on it but also it’s so fun to have a place where your friend can leave you a comment pretending to be a dog. Be honest with yourself, everyone else already knows.

DON’T BE RUDE: You poisonous weirdo, you’re an adult. Be normal you sick fuck.

Hmm, what else. I didn’t really have much advice to give, I’m realizing now.

HAVE FUN: I know I’m on the wrong side of modernity on this issue but I’m loving Sarahah. It’s important to find joy where you can, even in something that is terrible. (I think.) (Actually this is not right—disregard it, but I’m going to continue.) Send messages to your friends. Revel in weird messages you’ve received. Wonder who they’re from, even though the answer is likely someone who you do not know or care about, not to be rude. Leave a message on your crush’s Sarahah saying, “I have a crush on you. -Kelly,” only write your name instead of mine unless your name is Kelly in which case please choose a new name, this one is (famously) taken.

MAYBE DON’T BE ON IT: It’s actually probably bad and I think already over so maybe just don’t be on it.

Hm. I guess I didn’t really have too much advice after all.