Why Breaking Up With My Loving Girlfriend Was So Very Traumatic and Difficult for Me

Image: Ben White via Unsplash

Hey, thanks for listening. I’m going through a really rough time. I just broke up with my loving and wonderful girlfriend for no clear reason except that being single sounds fun, and I’m having a really hard time with it.

When I broke up with her, she started crying uncontrollably. Do you know how hard that was for ME?! It was the hardest thing I’d ever had to deal with. I was kinda mad at her, to be honest. Why did she do that to ME?? Couldn’t she have just cried not in front of me? I was going to end the conversation after 30 seconds — she definitely could have waited. I wasn’t going to stick around and “explain” to her why I wanted to break up, she didn’t need to turn into a mess right in front of me. God, it was so painful. For a second I even thought I might tear up myself. Yeah, it was brutal. For ME.

It was especially hard for me to pull the cord on this relationship because she was such a great girlfriend. Some guys are lucky enough to have girlfriends who cheat on them or emotionally manipulate them, and then it’s really easy for them to end the relationship. For me, my girlfriend showed me nothing but unconditional love and support for all of my dumb undertakings, including but not limited to: adult D&D, adult skateboarding, adult hopscotch, and animal porn. She never expressed any judgment or criticized me, which is why it was so difficult to end things with her. Have you ever tried dumping someone who is the most positive and kind person in your life? It’s really awful.

Today, I wanted to text her so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. It’s like I really lost my best friend. Also, I wanted someone to tell me it was a good idea to buy a $600 drum set because I think it’d be fun to bang on things loudly. I didn’t have anyone there to support me in this difficult decision. So I texted her anyway, and she said she didn’t think we should talk. Then I told her about the drum thing, and she said I should get it if it would make me happy. Then I got the drums. But it won’t even arrive until Monday even though I used her Amazon Prime account. What am I supposed to bang on loudly over the weekend? Everything is so hard. Breakups are the worst.

I’m just having such a hard time right now. I miss the regular good sex we were having so much. I’m in this awful emotional place where I can’t hit her up for sex anymore because I dumped her, and I can’t yet start hitting on her friends. I’ve decided to take the chivalrous route and not use dating apps at all in the first two weeks of our break up. I know what you’re thinking — this isn’t the time for me to be a hero. But I always want to do the right thing, even when it’s not the easiest. I had to hit up my old fuck buddy from four years ago, and we only have mediocre sex. This is a really challenging time for me, and I’m so grateful for your support.

I just don’t know if I’m ever going to get over this. It was so hard to break up with her. I don’t really think she’s the love of my life, but what if she’s the only woman who will always do all the dishes? You’re right — I’m being crazy. Every woman will let me do that. Thank you for listening.

Ginny Hogan is a NYC-based stand up comic and data scientist