It Should Be Vacation + One Or Two Days
I’m not sure who would enforce this, maybe the government?, but after you return from vacation you should have a mandatory one- or two-day period to readjust before you go back to normal life.
That’s pretty much it, and I have to imagine you agree, but I’ll continue in order to have more words. Many smart people already schedule this buffer day into their vacations, but some people — not saying if they’re smart or not — feel like they need to make “the most” out of their vacation days by staying until the “last possible moment.” All right. I’m not a person who wants to stay until the very end of my last day at a place I’m visiting on vacation. If I know I have to leave later, I’d rather leave now. I know that sounds like my personality is worse than the personalities of the people who feel the opposite, but actually that’s not true and you’ll just have to trust me because I’m the writer and you’re the reader.
The buffer day makes the entire vacation more enjoyable. You know that your last day of vacation is not the true last day, which allows you to feel less sorrow. You know there is one more day of relaxing and getting your life in order, which allows you to feel less stress. Instead of thinking, at the airport, “ugh, I’m at the airport and tomorrow I have to go to work,” you’re at the airport thinking, “ugh, I’m at the airport but at least I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
However, I understand that this can be difficult, or impossible, to schedule. That is why it should be mandatory. You and your employer, or whoever, will just have to figure it out. And let me be clear — I’m not saying it should be mandatory to leave your vacation early to enjoy the buffer. You stay until the very end of your vacation, and then you get one or two more days to readjust. Everyone is happy, except for your employer, who will have to suck it up because fuck him or her anyway.
In this buffer day or these buffer days (I think the strategy is we demand two and settle for one), you play with your dog and make him love you again. You readjust your sleep schedule and fight off your jet lag. If someone you don’t want to talk to tries to contact you, you say, “I’m sorry, I can’t talk. I’m on my period.” You’ll mean the one- or two-day post-vacation buffer period, but it’s possible they won’t understand your particular meaning and that way you’ll keep them guessing. You unpack and do laundry. You catch up on your Bad Tweets Slack rooms, you lie on the floor with a sheet mask, you don’t look at email or regular mail. You mentally prepare for the week, and life, ahead. Your vacation is over now, and you come to terms with that.
No, a mandatory one- or two-day post-vacation readjustment period is not the most “pressing” issue in the modern day. But it is the one I am most qualified to write about, having just come back from vacation and having not being particularly smart. So here we are, talking about it.
Hm. Actually, I’m not sure there’s much more to say. I can’t think of anything else. I’m pretty sure we covered it all.
My friend Jordan said that this idea is “like when an astronaut returns from space, monitored by specialists.” Yes, like that.