Katy Perry Fucked Up — BIG

No such thing as a “five-star Michelin,” Katy Perry. Sorry to say.

Have you heard this song? I hadn’t until three minutes ago. From what I can tell the music video was just released, but the song has existed for longer — an amount of time I’m unwilling to ascertain out of laziness and its ultimate irrelevance. A few minutes before I listened to the song I saw this tweet from Spoon Second co-host Brian Feldman:

He’s right, she does. In the first verse Katy Perry sings:

Looks like you’ve been starving
You’ve got those hungry eyes
You could use some sugar
’Cause your levels ain’t right
I’m a five-star Michelin
A Kobe flown in
You want what I’m cooking, boy

“Five-star Michelin.” Yeah right. That’s not a thing. Katy Perry — they only go up to three. Here’s a quote from a New Yorker article that the Michelin wikipedia also quotes:

The inspectors write reports that are distilled, in annual “stars meetings” at the guide’s various national offices, into the ranking of three stars, two stars, or one star — or no stars. (Establishments that Michelin deems unworthy of a visit are not included in the guide.) A three-star Michelin ranking — like that enjoyed by Jean Georges — is exceedingly rare.

See? At best — and this is exceedingly rare — you’re a three-star Michelin. I know it doesn’t sound as impressive but that’s the way it is.

That’s all,