Spring Candle Review: L’Objet, Eau D’Égée Candle №3
The latest spring edition of The Hairpin’s popular candle column.
Life is a gift. Candle is also a gift, if a company sends it to you in the mail. What else is a gift? Hmm. Perfect skin, if you have it. A person you love. For now, that is, until you stop loving them. Then it’s a sticky situation. A warm day is a gift, unless you were trying to keep something frozen outside. Ah, you see, there are two sides to everything. That’s important to remember.
The coast of the Aegean. Have you been? I haven’t, but I would love to go “all expenses paid.” Please email me if you’d like to set this up. I’ve heard the gracious people who live along the sparkling coast of the Aegean define much of their life by ritual, and that in their time-honored daily routines they blend work and play harmoniously. Where did I hear this? Of course, we all know; please say it with me: I heard this from L’Objet’s description of their Eau D’Égée Candle №3:
Fuck! The sparkling coast of the Aegean, with its enviable lifestyle defined by three simple elements the sun the sea and the spirit, sounds like it smells good as fuck!!!!!!!
— But does the Eau D’Égée Candle №3? Let’s see.
DOES IT HAVE A GOOD SMELL?
Yes! It smells like when you walk into a clothing store that smells like a scented candle and you know for sure that you’re not going to be able to afford anything in the store and also you’re embarrassed about the clothes you’re wearing presently. It has top notes of “fig and laurel leaves, clary sage, coriander seed, white pepper,” middle notes of “everlasting flower, patchouli, pepperwood,” and base notes of “cedar, lavender absolute, musk.”
Laurel leaves, as we all know, smell and taste like nothing, so it is interesting that L’Objet decided to include that as a “top note.” Perhaps this was done for intrigue. The rest of the top notes give it a sort of, I hate to be gendered but I love ease, so, a somewhat masculine scent. Like if a man were wearing this candle as a perfume you’d think, “This is a man who smells good and very expensive. I can tell that his scent is ‘gender appropriate’ not that there is even such a thing but you understand my meaning.”
IS IT A SPRING CANDLE?
This is a candle that works for spring! Yes. Unfortunately the candle review guidelines here at The Hairpin are very strict and the question is not “is it a candle that works for spring” but rather “is it a spring candle.” It is a year-round candle. I must give it a non-check.
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Haha. You’re gonna be like, “wwhaaaaat?” This candle costs $95. (Not for me, of course — I’m a professional. But for someone else.) If you’re going to continue reading my candle column you’re going to have to understand that candles cost the same amount as a week of groceries for a family, and also the same amount as how much it would cost to save several lives through a monetary donation to a charity. I’m sorry. If I could change it I could but I can’t.
And they smell so good!
IS IT WORTH $95?
Now that I said that thing about saving lives it’s hard to say that this candle or any object is worth $95, and that’s my fault. I get that. But I will say, it smells very expensive. It was made in France. It has a nice big “3” on it which I love, but we’ll get to that when we talk about whether or not it looks nice. Personally I wouldn’t spend $95 on this candle. But I don’t have a lot of money. Maybe you have a lot of money? If so, are you single?
WHAT IS THE BURN TIME?
The burn time is goddamn 80–90 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOES THE CANDLE LOOK NICE?
I love it. Just a big three on a “white Limoges porcelain vessel.”
DID IT COME WITH ANOTHER THING THAT YOU LIKE?
Yes! It came with this little topper.
Basically I’m thrilled that my candle column is “working,” if you understand my meaning.
IS IT HEAVY?
Yes, it is very heavy. And also the topper is heavy.
WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS CANDLE TO A FRIEND:
Is my friend rich? If so, is he single?
- Six checks.
- Two non-checks
- One (hedging)
- One dollar sign