Product Recommendation

Annie’s Organic Cinnamon Rolls.

If I know two things for sure they are that there are few things worse than being a sellout, and fewer things worse than being a shill. But one of the worse things is being a liar. It is for this reason alone that I have no choice but to admit that I recommend a product: Annie’s Organic Cinnamon Rolls.

What a thrill it is to visit your neighborhood bodega and find that not only do they have tubular dinner rolls in stock, but also cinnamon rolls. They don’t always have the cinnamon rolls and you have to wonder: why? Is it because people buy out the stock of cinnamon rolls immediately? Well, have more in stock. OK. Solved that problem for you. Is it because people don’t buy the cinnamon rolls and the bodega owners think they don’t have to have them in stock all of the time? Well, maybe you speak to me personally about the cinnamon rolls before you make any more decisions.

I’d never had this particular brand of tubed cinnamon rolls — Annie’s — until I saw them in a fridge at my neighborhood place over the weekend. I’ll tell you this about them: they’re great. I wasn’t expecting much because they say “organic” on them, but thinking back I guess Annie’s is generally all right. I think I’ve gotten Annie’s mac and cheese before. I’m not recommending that, however. Just the cinnamon rolls. They’re large and very good. Not flimsy. I’m not really sure how to describe food. The icing is good. The cinnamon taste is good. The bread part is good. Sturdy, but soft. Warm from the oven. They’re a real treat.

You can imagine my shock, then, when I pulled up the Annie’s website’s Organic Cinnamon Rolls With Icing webpage to find that the cinnamon rolls — on Annie’s own website — had received a rating, by customers, of only THREE out of FIVE stars!

Excuse me?

Here’s what this bitch Karen said about them on March 17, 2017:

Worst cinnamon rolls I have ever had. The packaging did not open properly. They took WAY longer to bake than the directions said. And they were dry with no taste. The icing was a mess. You have to squeeze it into a cup from a tube. It was a messy process. Other than that, we enjoyed them…

Excuse me? OK, Karen, let me get this straight — they’re the “worst cinnamon rolls [you] have ever had,” Karen, but aside from what it seems like are exclusively personal issues, Karen, you “enjoyed them?” Oh, OK. Karen. Sounds terrible, I’m sorry you had to go through the experience of eating these cinnamon rolls.

(To remain truthful I do have to say that what she says about the packaging is true. The packaging did not open properly. I tried for a long time to open it with a spoon, like the way you’re supposed to open cinnamon rolls, and like the way the Annie’s tube directs you to open these cinnamon rolls specifically, and it didn’t work. Then I had to cut them out of the tube with a knife. It’s fine. We all do what we have to to get through the day.)

(Also who prefers a cup for the icing? The tube is much easier.)

Tony, in December of 2016, mentions a problem that a lot of people mention in their reviews: that the tube exploded. I suspect that this problem led to the overcorrection of the impossible-to-open tube that we have today. Here is Tony:

These rolls are great. We have had similar exploding tubes as others have mentioned and it usually sprays the cat with the cinnamon mixture. Maybe a different design would allow a slow release of pressure before the package explodes. We highly recommend these to everyone.

Do you see this, Karen? The cinnamon rolls “usually” explode on Tony’s cat and he still recommends them to everyone. He doesn’t even move the cat that’s how much he loves them, KAREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This woman, Carol, (Karen?), had a bad experience with the cinnamon rolls but also sounds like a real fucking drama queen, no offense:

BEWARE OF THE EXPLODING CAN! I just got back from the eye doctor because the can exploded and I got hit in the eye by projectile cinnamon mixture — not the best way to start off your morning :(. I think there are enough comments on your site about this problem that you should look at your packaging. We have been buying you cinnamon rolls in the red packaging for years without any problems. This was our first experience with the organic/purple packaging and to say the least, it was not a good experience.

Oh, brother. Can you imagine being Carol’s friend and having to hear this story over and over again? “Did I tell you about how I had to go to the eye doctor?” “Yes.” “I was making cinnamon rolls — ” “I know, Carol.” “And the CAN EXPLODED!” “Carol — ” “And I got hit in the EYE! Can you imagine? So, of course I had to — ” “Carol.” “Go to the eye doctor!” “Carol.” “Can you IMAGINE? Because of cinnamon rolls!” “Carol.” “Not the best way to start your morning!!!!” CAROL!

Marla, in January, had a tip about the exploding can:

They’re insanely good!! I do, however, recommend that you don’t open these while in bed otherwise you’ll end up needing to wash your sheets and comforter. The shower is much better because then you don’t have to worry about the exploding mess!

Of the two places you usually open your cinnamon roll tube — bed and shower — Marla recommends the shower. Thank you, Marla!

Take a guess at what Susanne’s “family” is “concerned” about. Here’s a hint: “they” (yeah right) think it would be “healthier in general” if “our society” “were to move away from” this thing. Have a guess in mind? Thank you for listening to her concern the answer is sugar:

Could you make an organic version of these or at least make the sugars organic? Our family is concerned about the use of refined cane sugar. We believe it would be healthier in general if our society were to move away from the refined and/or bleached sweeteners. Thank you for listening to our concerns.


Finally, we’ve found a voice of reason in Sonia, from her comment on March 9, 2017:

I realy never right any reviews ever in my life but those rolls are sooo delicious that s encourage me to b that confident to talk about them They are a way way better than any other cinnamon rolls i have ever tried even better that cinnabon brand The dough by itself taste delicous even after getting cold My husband will eat 3 of them at a time and wont get enough !!

Thank you, Sonia, for your honesty and confidence. I agree with you and your husband.