We Turn The Clocks Ahead This Weekend: A Poem

Daylight Saving Time, baby, hell yeah. Oh yes.


Hey, can you believe it? I promise that it’s true
This weekend clocks are set ahead to start our lives anew
Nothing bad will happen from Sunday morning on
Courageousness will conquer fear and sadness will be gone
Single-payer healthcare, release of pee blackmail
Expensive candles sent to me for free via the mail
Not to “count my eggs,” I don’t mean to tempt fate — but
It’s really gonna be so good I honestly can’t wait
Donald Trump will be impeached, ending this mayhem
While we watch the sun go down at AT LEAST 7 P.M.
In the morning we will wake to sun, happiness
Our heads won’t ache from teeth grinding that happens due to stress
You’ll have so much money, then, after daylight time
You’re gonna stop being so sad and it will be sublime
Paul Ryan will be humiliated in some way
It will happen publicly — that’s all that I can say
No more talk of Muslim ban, hate will be out of sight
A new “Vanderpump Rules” on Bravo every single night
Men will stop all their shit and just shut the fuck up
They’ll stay around but only for if we want to hook up
As for global warming, our impact will be small
All my clothes will fit real well and my body will be tall
This last daylight update was exciting to hear
All the white supremacists will just up and disappear
So that’s what going on, now you have a warning
We turn the clocks ahead on this coming Sunday morning

Previously: The Sun Sets Today at 7:32 PM: A Poem