Oscar Bait Movies For The Trump Presidency
The Academy Awards will be held on February 26, but next year’s Oscar-winning movies might look a lot different.
The Good Old Days
This is an elaborate period drama of an indistinct time when America was still great. It centers around a bunch of white men buying and selling things in a perfect balance of supply and demand so that somehow they all end up even richer than they started out. The conflict of this movie stems from leaders of other countries visiting America and being jealous of how great it is. The main characters include George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Jon Voight as Jon Voight.
This is a movie about how Neville Chamberlain is a cuck. This will be the last movie ever made about World War II, since we have disproven the theory that it is possible to learn from history’s mistakes.
A Hell Of A Lot Worse Than Waterboarding
This film is the story of one brave man who stands up to those who would say that torture is morally wrong and the Geneva Convention is binding.
Shakespeare’s bloodiest, insanest play is a surprise box office hit after the dialogue is modernized and all exposition is replaced by Jean Claude Van Damme punching people. All of the roles are played by men, in a nod to Shakespearean times and because it is now illegal for women to have jobs.
This is a bio pic of Scott Baio. It was greenlit on name alone and was nominated for a record 47 million Oscars.
The Fall Of ISIS
A preëmptive celebration of the Trump administration’s round defeat of the Islamic State, this movie gives no actual military details because that would blow the surprise. It is ninety minutes of Trump insulting various American generals to their faces while Steve Bannon sits in the Situation Room, unable to figure out how to turn the lights on.
The Greatest Show On Earth
In the grand tradition of movies about show business, this film centers around the time Meatloaf screamed at Gary Busey on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump supporter Lou Ferrigno stars as Meatloaf; Meatloaf stars as Gary Busey.
The Art Of The Deal
An adaptation of the best-selling book and our nation’s first legally required reading, this film is just 120 minutes of Donald Trump refusing to pay his contractors. Scott Eastwood stars as Trump.
Life In Pink
As part of a movement to completely eliminate any languages except English from American culture, this is a remake of La Vie En Rose. And because foreign cultures are worthless, this version is about Ted Nugent.
Pee Pee Land
This is a movie about how Trump loves piss.