Would You Rather Be Santa Or Jesus?

A Christmas question to delight you.


Here’s a pretty good Christmas question to delight you while you’re gathered around the fire with your loved ones. Would you rather be Santa or Jesus? (Santa Claus or Jesus Christ.) It’s hard. It’s also specific to one “religion” but I’d like you to think of it more as just a choice for anyone to make. Would you rather be: Santa or Jesus. Obviously there are pluses and minuses with both. If you’re Santa, you get to wear a red suit. This is good for winter, because we’re assuming you’d be Santa or Jesus wherever you live right now. Where I live it’s cold now, so the warm red suit would be nice. What did Jesus wear? Like a robe. That would be all right for inside, but you have to go outside eventually and you’re gonna be cold. I never saw him wear a coat. Santa’s clothing was designed specifically for the cold, so if that’s what you’re worried about the most, maybe you want to choose Santa. Jesus is arguably much more famous (or infamous). So maybe that’s interesting to you. There’s a lot of drama with Jesus, but some people like drama. Sometimes people say, “I hate drama,” but then you’re thinking, privately, (“Uhh, then why do you surround yourself with so much drama?”) Jesus seems sort of like this, so if you like drama, maybe you’d rather be Jesus. Obviously there’s drama with Santa, too. The lists, etc. But that’s more about control and judgment than a need for drama and attention. It’s crazy that Santa seems more judgmental than Jesus even though Jesus is allegedly the one that can send you to hell (!). But the fact stands that Santa is more judgmental than Jesus, so that’s something to consider. What else. Santa gets to eat cookies but Jesus got to be friends with a prostitute. I’m not sure Santa even has any friends. Jesus surrounded himself with yes men except the one who killed himself, but I guess that’s more of the drama that we already discussed. I’m pretty sure they were both born of virgins, so that’s equal. “What Would Jesus Do.” Santa doesn’t have any sort of a saying like this, but you can use his name as a threat near Christmas if you’re speaking to a child. “Santa’s watching.” That one’s a creepier thing to say. Santa brings people presents and Jesus brings them what? Washes their feet? Water into wine? Loaves of fish? I don’t know. Water into wine is pretty good, actually. That’s something to think about. But maybe Santa can build wine in his shop (?). I‘m not an expert, I’m just asking the question about who you’d rather be. What else. Jesus’s death was really fucked up, but at least he gets to be dead. Santa still has to be alive and probably will be forever. No thanks. Santa only has to work for one night a year but after Jesus was a carpenter it seems like he pretty much had no job. Jesus has prayers but Santa has songs. I guess Jesus has songs, too, but they’re not as fun. Jesus has Creed. Santa has lots of good Christmas albums. Sick people touched Jesus a lot but sticky kids have to sit on your lap if you’re Santa.

It’s tough. I’m not asking you because I think it’s easy. Anyway who would you rather be?


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