Our Best Guesses For What the Frig the Electoral College Is And Does

by Blythe Roberson and Jason Adam Katzenstein

Image: clemsonunivlibrary
  • Whichever middle schooler is the best at the presidential fitness test, becomes an elector.
  • The electors are all on one email chain. They are always trying to coordinate a weekend trip to Beacon, NY. Idaho is always replying all.
  • The Electoral College has a softball team and they are always losing to the superdelegates.
  • They have an Electoral College sweatshirt. The back has all of their names and the front has their motto: “We Are The Electoral College.”
  • The founding fathers were high as hell when they thought of the Electoral College and even the next day they couldn’t really answer questions about it.
  • They’ve developed an office culture where they really love grape flavored Canada Dry.
  • An estimated 50 electors don’t know they’re electors.
  • They have an Arcade Fire cover band.
  • Their favorite color is green.
  • They have their own dating app, but it’s invite only and no one understand how it works.
  • If you’re a member of the Electoral College you get into MOMA for free.
  • The meeting of the electors takes place on the first Monday after the second Wednesday in December after the presidential election. This one is true!!!
  • The Electoral College is selected by the Selectoral College.
  • Their parents are proud of them.
  • There’s actually no constitutional rule that says a golden retriever cannot be a member of the Electoral College.
  • Their holiday party keeps getting moved to a smaller and smaller bar each year and everyone is really riled about it.
  • We’re all fucked.

Jason Adam Katzenstein is a New Yorker cartoonist. Blythe Roberson is a contributor to The Onion, ClickHole, and The New Yorker.