Barron at Trump Tower

A book for precocious liberals

I am Barron
I am 10 years old

I am a city boy
I live at The Trump Tower

There is a lobby that is made entirely of gold
with lots of bright lights everywhere
and little T’s on the front door

Sometimes the gold hurts my eyes
And I need to go back upstairs and lie down

Every day I sneak down to the lobby
The Desk Clerk looks at me and shakes her head
She says “You poor child” but I’m not sure what she means because
Papa tells me I am the prince of America
He says that he is king and my sister Ivanka is queen but Melania is the princess
This confuses me

Everyone in the building knows me but no one will let me pet their dog

When I get sad I tell Melania and she pats me on the head and gives me a piece of hard candy
They say she is my mother but I do not believe them
She is too pretty and feels like plastic
Like the Barbie doll Molly in 18B lets me borrow but I must hide from papa

When I come home from school I get on the elevator
Sometimes people are laughing and talking but then they see me and suddenly it is silent
One time one of them said “God help us all”
I told papa about this
He said he’s going to build us our own private elevator that only we can ride
This seems unfair because the elevator is one of my favorite places
Now it won’t be

Sometimes I can go an entire week without talking

I hide in my room while papa’s guests visit
Usually they are men who look like the goblins in the books I like to read
Papa doesn’t like when I read those books
He hands me one of his books instead
But it is too heavy and I drop it on my toe and cry but he laughs and walks away

When I hide in my room I like to tidy up
If papa catches me cleaning he wags an orange finger at me
I insist “Papa, I like to clean,” but he does not care

On special days when I am feeling brave I will play in the empty apartments
Many people have moved out but I’m not quite sure why
I run and jump and scream in the apartments and play with my imaginary friends
I pretend I am just a normal boy
Who loves his life