How to Stay Motivated After Losing Your First Week of Fantasy Football

Just a hypothetical, not saying that anyone did specifically.

Image: lil cakerz, Flickr, Art: Kelly

The first week of fantasy football is not over yet technically, but there may be those of you out there — not saying anyone in particular, or even that you definitely exist, but just saying that this could possibly be the case — who have definitely already lost because all of your guys have played and your opponent still has two more guys left and his score is already higher than yours by one point, that mother fucker.


You might be thinking, defeatedly, “Well.” You also might be thinking, “Now I remember why actually I don’t particularly enjoy fantasy football, even though I love clicking, and looking at little pictures of football guys, and having an additional app to check, and taunting my friends, and that is because it is an additional constant source of disappointment.” And then also you’re probably thinking, “100 more months of this???????????!”

Well, cheer up. Here’s how to stay motivated after losing your first week of fantasy football, a game that maybe you don’t even know why you’re into and also this year you’re the commissioner.

Draw a Football

Send Your Opponent a Text That Says “Fuck You”

I feel better already, I mean you do.

It’s Nice Outside

And it’s supposed to be nice all week!

Remember That It’s Still Fun to Check Your Fantasy Football App

Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat — and now your fantasy football app, too. And that’s great.

Say “Fuck You” to Your Opponent in the ESPN Chat Box

Remember Lincoln

Abe Lincoln was famously bad at everything until he was good at the one thing. Maybe that’s you, too, and maybe the one thing you’re going to be good at is the rest of all your fantasy football games. (!)

Tweet “Fuck You” at Your Opponent

You Can Get Better

It seems like your team is bad now, but maybe you can get better. You must remember this important fact.

Love Your Guys Unconditionally

Your guys depend on you for love, and as team coach you need to love them them even when you lose.

GChat Your Opponent “Fuck You”

Every Week Is a New Week

Above all you must remember that every week is a new week.

Thank you,