Please Don’t Propose to Your Girlfriend During Her Olympic Medal Ceremony

(Unless she asks you to specifically.)

Here’s me doing a “man” voice: “Buut I waanna!” Oh boy. Here’s me again, still doing the “man” voice: “I waaaaanna propose to my girlfriend during her Olympic medal ceremony. I WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” Well, too bad!

Of course it’s none of my business. Of course I support love. Of course I support a woman’s right to choose to marry a man, and of course I support a man’s right to make her make that choice immediately after she wins a silver medal at the Olympics, just kidding. (The last one I do NOT support.)(Personally.) (MY OPINION!!!!!!!!!!!!)

“But maybe they talked about it before,” you’re thinking. Well, OK. If they talked about it before and He Zi said something like, “Yes. I’ve spent my whole life training for this moment, pushing my body to its limits, putting my mental strength to the test, diving a lot, whatever, etc., and I’ve decided that, yes, right after I win a medal for the 3 meter springboard event on August 14 at the Olympics, while I’m taking in this glorious moment, I want you to come up, get on your knee, and propose to me, co-opting the glorious moment and reenforcing the idea that a woman’s ultimate success is found in marriage rather than in personal accomplishment. Yes, please. Oh and also I only want you to do it if I get silver or bronze but not if I get gold, but again, yes, please, in that case please propose to me while I’m on the podium.” — THEN you may propose to your girlfriend immediately after she has accepted her silver medal at the Olympics and isn’t even done having her moment yet.

Otherwise just do it later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s what she said about it, via CNN:

“I didn’t know that he would propose today, and I didn’t expect that I would marry myself out so early.

“He (Qin) said a lot of things there at the podium. He made a lot of promises, but the thing that has touched me the most is that I think this is the guy I can trust for the rest of my life.”

Said a lot of things?! Next time he wins a medal go up and tell him you’re pregnant even if you aren’t! That’s what I would tell He Zi if she were my friend.

The end!

PS: “What about this Olympic public marriage proposal?” you’re asking me, even though we’ve finished. Well, yes, OK, that one seems less like something I dislike, but I do advise against all public marriage proposals and that is a point on which I cannot be swayed.