Falling in Love With Fictional Characters Is the Worst: A Conversation Between Silvia and Kelly
Silvia attempts to convince Kelly that she is not in love with Chris Geere.
Kelly: Do you think chris geere would date me
Silvia: well for starters he’s married
Kelly: not what I asked
Silvia: and more importantly you do NOT want to date him
Kelly: yes I do
Kelly: I love him
Kelly: He’s so cute
Kelly: on you’re the worst
Silvia: well I have some bad news about him
Silvia: he’s a toff and kind of bad lol.
Kelly: a toff what does this mean
Kelly: tall often friendly face
Silvia: i don’t know have you spent any time on his instagram
Kelly: wow I have not
Kelly: you have?
Silvia: uh yes
Kelly: silvia that’s my boyfriend..
Silvia: I might have been reaching with toff i don’t think he’s ACTUALLY upper class
Silvia: but he was born in cambridge and he was in the royal shakespeare company and you can’t be that good looking with your shirt off and be in a midsummer night’s dream and NOT be insufferable
Kelly: he plays a mean writer on the show and that is why I am attracted to him
Silvia: we have a crush on the CHARACTER
Silvia: not the actual actor
Silvia: he’s the actual worst on the show, he’s a dementedly difficult brit, very up my alley
Kelly: good splitsider post idea: Can Kelly and Silvia Break Up Chris Geere’s Marriage and Turn Him Into Someone They Like?
Silvia: there’s no possible way he’s not a douche
Silvia: “Although if you ask Geere about his own romantic life, you’ll find that he’s not so much like his character. The actor met his wife, who is a jazz singer, when she was performing at a bar in Manchester, and he’s never looked back at his single life since.”
Kelly: Oh god
Silvia: “I was happy being that guy on a TV show who hooks up with a girl in a bar,” he recounts. “And then I requested a song that I didn’t even want because I wanted to talk to her, and then I requested her phone number. We went out for dinner that night and I haven’t been out for dinner with anyone since. Marriage is properly difficult, especially with the distance, but we make it work. We admit our flaws to each other. In my vows I said, ‘I’m not perfect but I’m going to try and make you the best that you can be.’ And she said the same. And that’s what we do. We try and better ourselves every day.” He pauses, realizing that he’s been absorbed by the tale. He laughs. “Yeah,” he admits, “so I’m a little different than Jimmy.”
Kelly: oh god!
Silvia: he’s very different from jimmy
Kelly: but I like jimmy 🙁
Silvia: first and foremost we have a crush on JIMMY not chris geere
Silvia: second it’s bad because no one who looks like that talks like that
Silvia: it’s the #1 rule of TV crushes
Kelly: except for House
Kelly: he’s real
Silvia: you’re in love with an impossible thing: a hot puppet saying the goony writer’s clever words a lot faster and more densely than people normally talk in real life
Kelly: except for Dr. House who is real
Silvia: think about rory gilmore
Kelly: Oh please do NOT tell me you think Alexis Bledel is not rory gilmore in real life
Kelly: haven’t you done enough?? to me here??? today???
Silvia: alexis bledel is mealy-mouthed at best and not in the rory way either
Silvia: the fast-talking twizzler-eating punk-rock-listening women you think are rory and lorelai are just amy sherman-palladino bottled into a concentrate and dropped onto those sponges that turn into giant dinosaurs after soaking overnight. she is the vital substrate that makes them possible.
Silvia: ever notice how the last season is wack?
Silvia: because she left the show
Kelly: actually I have a lot to say about how the last season is not as bad as the second-to-last season but we don’t have to get into it
Silvia: same with aaron sorkin and seasons 5–7 of The West Wing
Silvia: everyone talked slower and more annoyingly and everyone was mushy and emotional
Silvia: “The role was originally American. It was a schlubby out-of-work writer. Slightly overweight. Really unkempt American guy. And my American accent is alright, but I also wanted to see if they would be open to me doing it in a British accent because I think the role lends itself to the British accent. I could be acerbic and hurtful, and at the end of the day still be a relatable, likable character. In an American accent it just came across as aggressive. I don’t know why, but it didn’t work.”
Silvia: the character was written to be a shlubby overweight american struggling novelist
Silvia: we’re being duped so hard
Kelly: this is truly very unfortunate
Kelly: everything you’re saying to me today is something I hate
Silvia: anyway the point is
Silvia: we like the characters not the actors
Silvia: which is bad news because the characters are composites of a lot of writers and jimmy specifically is a writer and writers, say it with me, are the worst
Kelly: but he’s so hot
Kelly: on the show
Silvia: i know
Silvia: hollywood is amazing like that
Silvia: aaron sorkin made me think i liked bradley whitford too but
Silvia: i mean
Kelly: okay….we can stop……..looking at his instagram
Silvia: he posted that himself and it’s clearly like a screenshot of a low res
Silvia: not until you fully understand kelly
Silvia: okay last one
Kelly: he’s so hot on the show 🙁
Season three of You’re the Worst premieres tonight on FXX. That’s why this is relevant. Chris I am still open to dating.