Bloodfeast: Fair Frito Boats

by Marie Lodi

“Boy, you actin’ so corny like Fritos,” the great Mariah Carey once sang. Perhaps she was channeling a past memory in which she and a former lover enjoyed an evening at the fair, walking around whilst eating Frito boats. Since we are just past the woes and throes of late summer — also known as county fair time — I figured it only made sense to do a fair-themed Bloodfeast recipe. Grab your tampon tiara and be prepared to be crowned Queen of the Fair with this Frito Boat inauguration!

The first time I had a Frito Boat (which may be called a “Frito pie” or a “walking taco,” depending on whence you hail), it had followed a near-death experience I had at a carnival. Back then, I was a young, adventurous tween who didn’t hesitate to board a rickety ride that went high up in the air and spun around. At one point, the car my friend and I were in became stuck at the top in mid-air, causing our bodies to be upside down. I could feel myself slipping from underneath the waist bar so I began to hold onto the hand bar as hard as I could. I had long, luxurious nails (even as a kid; DIVA! ) and remember digging deep into my palms, in an effort to keep my grip. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we safely got back to ground level. Carnivals were my shit up until that moment. Now I’ll only attend one for about an hour just to get an airbrushed shirt and some fucked-up fried thing. You won’t even catch me near a Ferris wheel.

For today’s Bloodfeast, I’m bringing the fair to you, without the scary rides or the chance of stepping in some stranger’s vomit. This recipe is quick and simple, but will hit the spot during your ceremonial bloodshed.

What You’ll Need:

1 lb lean ground beef
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1–2 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon ground cumin
2 teaspoons salt
1½ teaspoons paprika
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 small bags of Fritos
½ small onion, chopped
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
Sour cream


Begin the ritual by browning ground beef in a large skillet over medium heat, breaking it up into small pieces with your spoon or spatula. Once the meat working on its tan, stir in the garlic and spices. Cook for several minutes until done.

Cut open the side of the Fritos bag. Throw in meat, cheese, onion and sour cream. Enjoy with a fork as if you were walking around a fair, horrified at all that you see.

You can easily turn this into a vegetarian Frito pie by substituting black beans instead of the meat. And if you want to make this into a legit walking taco, don’t be shy about adding lettuce, tomato, salsa, guac and whatever your horngry heart desires.

Previously: Tenderonis

Marie Lodi is the president of a pizza club in LA and Richard Simmons once said she moved like a stripper. Read more of her stuff at and follow her everywhere @agentlover.