Cum, Located

When I first saw this article I was pretty sure it was referring to the geographical location of ejaculate; like, where in the world have you, you know what I mean? The real topic is even better.

A newly single man described a dilemma to me. “I was getting a blow job, and when the time came for me to finish, I was like, ‘Where do you want it?’ And he was like, ‘Wherever you want it!’ And I was like, ‘I want it where you want it.’ And he was like, ‘But I want it where you want it!’ ” In the polite confusion over the direction of his penis, he said, he’d somehow ended up with it pointed at his own face. Some of it shot into his mouth — an accidental, and impressively powerful, hole in one. “Oh my God,” I replied. “You were so polite you swallowed it for him. That is the most chivalrous cum-shot I have ever heard of.”

For New York Magazine, Maureen O’Connor has another post in her excellent series about Sex and the people who have It. I mean, I personally would read an entire post about the physical where of orgasms. But that’s just me! I’ll also read about where men ejaculate and why.

But!! The most fascinating part of this article was, for me, something that appears early and then almost disappears, and Maureen, if you’re taking suggestions I would read an entire post devoted to this disclaimer:

Note that, when it comes to the spelling of cum, I defer to the Strunk and White of filth, the Vice style guide. Come is the verb, cum the resulting substance.

Come is the verb, cum the resulting substance. Do you agree? Or disagree? I am a hard disagree (weak pun entirely intended) when it comes (ha) to the slang term for ejaculation or orgasming. In my mind, it is always “coming,” “come,” or “came,” respectively, because I find the shorthand to be one of the worst slang terms available in the English language. It’s so…truncated. It’s squat. “Cum” is for the men trying to get me to cyber with them on ICQ; it’s the paperbacks I found in the bookcase of a rental apartment my family once lived in. “Cum” is the deliberately misspelled phrase that, to me, fails to denote any kind of sexually satisfying sleaze and instead only conjures up grease, a shortcut to pleasure, and there are no shortcuts to pleasure, or at least there shouldn’t be.

I mean, if you’re saying it out loud and there’s a dick in your face (or on your tits or ass or stomach or anywhere else mentioned in this piece), it makes absolutely no difference: if you say “come on my face,” and in your head you are referring to the correct, not-disgusting word to denote the correct, disgusting-in-all-the-right-ways activity, the dick owner is not going to be, like, “wait, what do you want me to do?” He’s going to be like “ajhdfknadf” (those are coming noises).

On the other hand, I just have a very pronounced attachment to words in general, particularly when it comes to sex and sexual activities. I wouldn’t end a good sext if the person in question told me he was going to “cum,” but I would definitely note the choice of spelling. And now that I’m thinking about it the last time anyone wrote that word and directed it to me I was probably still using ICQ.

What do we think about this word? Do you care about the spelling of your sexts and sexually-related slang terms? Also, where in the world have you come? Leave the resulting answers in the comments, please.

More ...