It Is Finally Midsummer

by Jenny Zhang

butterflies with translucent orange wings
make kissy faces at my half liquid turd
the only reason I shat in the grass
is because I feel combative and entitled
I would seek romance at every turn
but I’m too entitled
I know these two notorious hags
who give the greatest blowjobs
their cowabuuuuungie promises
make me shit blood so sharp
I cut lesions thru the pissed-on flowerbeds
the jungle floor sings so sweetly
the animal kingdom grows greener and greener
“at least ten percent goes to a charity
that endeavors to put an end to the funding of more charities”
my gawd
someone listen to someone and make a decision
about anything already
some hags tell their own story
& I just wish a different type of person
could be moved by what moves me
I don’t want to admit what I see
in the million refracting weird little cries
actually gives me hope
my errant bloodturd finally
on its way
I feel free
I feel bad not watching the videos
my mom sends me from wenxuecity
I feel bad when I see she’s liked
her own facebook status
I feel bad when I see her looking beautiful
under the cold shadowless light of midday
& I know there is a witness for everything
a type of submerged expectation that spoils everything
don’t tell me yr gash drips like mine
don’t tell me it could have been your son
don’t tell me you aren’t sleeping well at night
don’t tell me you felt the weight of hopelessness like a millstone dragging holes thru the floorboards
don’t tell me it was senseless
don’t let your sadness come naturally
don’t cry when I’m not ready to yet
don’t make me think you know exactly what I know
that if it happens to one of us it happens to all of us
you cannot be one of us
I don’t even want you looking at us
& if I expected someone here to understand
then I’m just as stupid as I th-thought I was

Jenny Zhang is the author of Dear Jenny, We Are All Find and Hags. She writes for teen girls at Rookie & occasionally tweets @jennybagel.

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