What Your Favorite Alcoholic Beverage Says About You


A classic drink for a classic girl! Holy shit do you love Mad Men. You wear red lipstick, you love old movies, you don’t understand today’s music or fashion trends. You get along better with your grandmother than you do with most people your own age. You were born in the wrong generation, for real! You love it when your boss, Barry, calls you “sweetheart,” and you don’t get why it rattles your female coworkers so. You voted for Romney. You alienate your queer friends at parties with your dated sociopolitical views. You would totally pick Cary Grant over Channing Tatum any day!! Keep it old school, sister!

Tequila, straight
You’re a totally wild girl always looking for a fun time. Your friends know that they can count on you when they’re looking to attend a good rager, shindig, or intervention. Oh my god, you’re drunk right now, aren’t you? It’s 11 a.m., you crazy slut!! Party on, sister!

Long Island Iced Tea
It takes a tough lady to be able to handle such a strong drink! You are fierce and unapologetic. You do not put up anybody’s bullshit, like that time when Barry at the office was totally taking credit for your work, and you gave him a piece of your mind. Now you’re getting the accolades for your ideas that you’ve long since deserved, and nobody has seen Barry in over two weeks! Rock on, sister!

Smirnoff Ice Conspicuously Hidden in an Old Water Bottle
You are sixteen years old. You love to hang out at the mall — not the lame one that the soccer moms go to, but the cool one near the river where those kids found that dead body the other day. Meet you by the Cinnabon in the food court, sister!

Pineapple Mojito
You’re a quirky girl who plays by your own rules! People may not always “get” you, but that doesn’t stop you from doing your own thing, whether it’s putting a purple streak in your hair, singing along to your iPod on the subway, or showing up in a clown suit to your cousin’s funeral! (Rest in peace, Barry.) You do you, sister!

Prison Hooch
Uh-oh! Looks like a search warrant for your apartment turned up the missing weapon from Barry’s homicide case! See you in eight to ten years, sister!

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