Items At A Specialty Grocery Store


Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Mostly Virgin Olive Oil (has done some mouth stuff, but that’s it)
Waiting Until Marriage Olive Oil
Experimented in College Olive Oil
Comfortable With Her Sexuality Olive Oil
Anything But That Olive Oil
Not Tonight, I Have a Headache Olive Oil
Trying to Put Her Wild Days Behind Her Olive Oil

Artisanal Pickles
Performance Artisanal Pickles
Experimental Artisanal Pickles
Dropped Out of Art School Because They Didn’t Understand My Vision Pickles
Dyed My Hair Blue and Ripped Holes in My Jeans Pickles
Not Appreciated in Their Own Time Pickles
Godard is Too Mainstream for My Tastes Pickles
I Prefer Film to Digital Pickles
A Picture Of The Starbucks Logo But The Mermaid in The Logo Is Crying Tears That Are Actually Dollar Signs, Do You Get It Pickles

Slow Roasted Coffee
Dull-Witted Coffee
Spent Six Years in High School Coffee
Paid A Math Nerd For Trig Answers Coffee
Was Convinced Leonardo DiCaprio Painted the Mona Lisa Coffee
Spent Six Years in High School Coffee, But This One is Hazelnut Flavored

Gourmet Cupcakes
Owns a Chef Hat, But Got it on Sale Cupcakes
Doing What I Can on a Budget Cupcakes
I Mean, I Wouldn’t Feed These To The Queen, But They’ll Do For My Niece’s Bake Sale Cupcakes
I’d Like To See You Do Better Karen Cupcakes

Anna Fitzpatrick has had it up to here with Karen’s passive-aggressive comments.

Image via The Orange County Archives