Everything You Knew Is A Lie: A List of Celebrities Who Have Been Lying to You
Is Laura Jeanne:
a) The girl sharing bridesmaids duties with you who never fails to mention the reasons she should be maid of honor instead?
b) Reese Witherspoon?
Is Ronnie Walken:
a) Christopher Walken’s less-scary brother?
b) Christopher Walken?
Is Henry David:
a) Your friend’s boyfriend, the one with a yacht, who is sort of shitty and pretentious and once insisted you all split an $80 dollar bottle of wine at dinner because it was the only thing that would bring out the flavor in the meat and you couldn’t discern it from a $12 bottle at Trader Joe’s and then you vowed to never hang out with him again, but broke that promise because of, you know, the yacht?
b) Prince Harry?
Is Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra:
a) the girl that Henry David dated after he dumped your friend?
b) Meg Ryan?
Is Eric Bishop:
a) Your dental technician?
b) Jamie Foxx?
Is Paul Hewson:
a) The really nice man at the gun store?
Is Amanda Lee Rogers:
a) The woman who tried to recruit you for her sorority all throughout freshman year?
b) Portia de Rossi?
Is Caryn Johnson:
a) The woman your father starts dating a little too soon after his divorce, who insists on introducing herself to you with her first and last name and a firm handshake, as if she’s brokering a deal to get into your family?
b) Whoopi Goldberg?
Is Miranda Grossinger:
a) Someone who needs to change her name to Miranda July?
b) Miranda July?
Is Scott Diggs:
a) The guy in your youth group your mom has been pushing you to ask to the Christmas play when it’s like, Mom, no one does that!
b) Taye Diggs?
Is Jay Scott Greenspan:
a) Someone trying to mansplain IUDs to you?
b) Jason Alexander?
Is Jonathan Taylor Weiss:
a) The hot son of a German chocolatier?
b) Jonathan Taylor Thomas?
Is Michael A. Fox:
a) Some dude?
b) Michael J. Fox?
Every correct answer is b. Stay woke.