Sentences From Five-Year-Olds Interpreted As Hot Political Takes

by Tyler Gillespie


Debt Crisis: “Is infinity a number?”

Diplomacy: “We’re friends again. It’s all because I let him have my strawberry Pop-tart.”

Feminism: “I don’t like pretending to act cute in a bathing suit. It’s blah.”

Libertarianism: “You can’t do that. You can’t do that. You can’t make me dance!”

Millennials: “Do we get a prize if we participate?”

Sanctions: “Well, he pushed me first.”

Socialism: “I asked everyone to share with me, and they said ‘No.”

Social Security: “Don’t tell him where my nickel is. It’s magic.”

Student Loans: “I’m going to follow you for the rest of your life.”

Upward Mobility: “Chickens can’t fly, so I like to pretend I’m an eagle.”

Previously: “Did you know One Direction is my brothers?”