An Important Conversation about Choices and Business

tempted by the fruit of anotherrrrr

Meredith: Yay, a chat!

Michelle: I think this is a really great idea for our first day!

Meredith: Heartily cosign. The world needs more us talking to each other.

Michelle: Seriously. So we just had a really important business meeting last Wednesday to discuss big editorial things for this week…and I’m trying to remember everything we talked about because rosé…

Meredith: We definitely talked a bunch of rosé, but I’m pretty sure we also touched on important business topics, like boys, what the problem with boys was, how we could fix the problem with boys…

Michelle: Yeah, I’m really surprised more hot babes weren’t hitting on us at the Belgian wine bar/small plates bistro we met at while discussing Millennial dudes and their emotions

Meredith: I don’t remember our waiter or waitress but I am pretty sure he and or she found us delightful? It was probably the screeching that clinched it. And the lying about how we would order food but then just ordering rosé and taking up a table. But I know at one point I said, “that’s a good idea, write that down!” and then drunkenly spilled some wine.

Michelle: OMG yes we wrote things down!! Ok [opens up iphone notes]…Ok. I wrote down “Reality Bites — Meredith doesn’t like Ethan Hawke, but I feel weird for liking Ben Stiller cause I love that he plays the reggae version of “Baby, I Love Your Way” as make out music.” Also I wrote down “Summer turtlenecks” ??!!

Meredith: I do feel very negatively toward both Troy and Michael in that movie and also I did not have to look up those names, thank you and you’re welcome. But why doesn’t Lelaina have better options? Is Ben Stiller all we have to look forward to in adulthood? He still owns a Doctor Zaius action figure!

Michelle: But weren’t Doctor Zaius action figures the ’90s dude equivalent of PlayStations? Wiis? Vinyl collections mostly “borrowed” from their Dads?

Meredith: You can’t see me but I am looking blankly at you right now. Although I do like a good, borrowed Simon & Garfunkel album, I guess. I just think the real lesson of that movie is “there have to be more than two dudes in Austin, TX, and also wearing your pajamas = depression.”

Michelle: TRUE. I’ve never worn my pajamas more than a two block radius from my apartment and been in a really good place. Speaking of two dudes…who would you rather: Simon OR Garfunkel?

Meredith: As someone who is always trying to figure out how to be more and more like Carrie Fisher, this is kind of too easy. Paul. Paul all day. Paul like he was the Beatle.

Michelle: Was just thinking that! You could call out his name and secretly be thinking of Paul McCartney and he would be NONE THE WISER. To be honest, I grew up on the Simon and Garfunkel greatest hits album where Paul Simon on the cover is sporting both a mustache, and ’70s Kangol (?) and basically looks like Gallagher and it was really sexually confusing :/


Meredith: You know, you can also call him Al and he won’t get mad either. (Sorry not sorry!) Important question to circle back: Paul M or John L? Check which boy you like better.

Michelle: John! (Real answer: Paul) Those eyes! Also he seems like he’d know how to grill out more. OK, Mandy Patinkin or (taking a long time to think of anyone that could possible compete with Mandy Patinkin) OR Michael Fassbender. But like Chicago Hope era Mandy Patinkin and Michael Fassbender, present day, in a movie where he’s both naked and has an accent.

Meredith: Okay, so when you typed Mandy Patinkin I initially just went, “yes” out loud, alone in my apartment, but this is a tough one. Is Michael Fassbender himself (about whom I have heard not good things) or a movie character (about whom I have heard not good things)? Doesn’t matter, actually, Fassbender. I feel like this question is your own Sophie’s Choice though, can you decide?

Michelle: It is my Sophie’s Choice. I would go with…[types and deletes for a long time] Mandy Patinkin for the pillow talk! (←- sentence that’s never been said before)

Meredith: Honestly, I bet if you asked nice he would do an accent too. Well, I’m glad we’re not choosing the same dudes, because that would have made our other brilliant, wine-infused idea pretty awkward. Thanks to Twitter (thanks Twitter!), I know that we were all set to try to lure two unsuspecting dudes onto a double date we could write about… And we went about it really smoothly.

Michelle: Oh yeah! We did! It’s really weird our idea based on something Hannah did with Laird on Girls didn’t pan out. Then when dudes would DM us, we’d be like “LOL but we’re Twitter friends and it would be for a live-tweeted double date, LOLOLOL. Awk-ward!”

Meredith: We also marred both my Tinder (not that I have a Tinder) and OKCupid profiles (not that I have an OKCupid profile) with it. Something like, “My friend and I need a double date for 8/25 NOT FOR AN ARTICLE (yes for an article).” I woke up to a bunch of uncomfortable messages from uncomfortable strangers.

Michelle: SCREENSHOTS please!!! Oh wait, should we just start a viral Tumblr to book deal about this? Also, do you remember what we were planning to do with the “summer turtleneck” piece idea? Is that a thing? Are we making it a thing?

Meredith: I mean, it sounds like the beginnings of a very profitable small business. Maybe the turtleneck could be made of ice paks? I know that I wrote down, “casual cape” so I have to assume that’s related.

Michelle: K, it’s almost 5pm, so we should probs get into more rosé and try to remember?

Meredith: Already pouring. Let’s do this.

[image via hotflick]

Meredith and Michelle are both still available for a double date with Mandy Patinkin and Michael Fassbender.