Things Jack White Is For and Against, Judging by His New Album

Judging by his new solo album, Lazaretto, here are some stances Jack White is taking.


Things He’s For:

  • making people look up his album titles in the dictionary
  • polyamory (old news)
  • women’s hair colors in addition to red (new news)
  • singing Spanish lyrics in a not-completely-terrible accent
  • a female God
  • drinking gasoline
  • penance, atonement
  • Nietzsche, Freud, and Horace
  • a friendship between two fellows named Juan and Abel (*looks up lyrics*) oh just kidding, apparently it’s “Want and Able,” this kind of changes the song

Things He’s Against:

  • being quarantined on the Isle of Mann
  • having to prove his love
  • being hurt (but not physical pain)
  • water (but not standing out in the rain)
  • people telling him what to do
  • kids these days who think they can have what they want whenever they want
  • kids these days who live like Caesar
  • kids these days who are spoiled and getting worse every day
  • moving to New York
  • Jack Chick comics
  • black licorice