GOOP for Normals: An Attainable Lifestyle Newsletter

by Sarah-Grace Sweeney


A weekly newsletter from my attainable lifestyle brand to make you feel just a little bit fancy.

Walk around your house in a robe and lacy underwear. You know, the kind that you normally save for someone else. But just do it for you, dammit. Some may mistake this for laziness, but you will be too busy being glam to acknowledge them.

Make lumpy-ish green smoothie, but you have to use the spinach in your fridge that looks a little old and slimy. Gwyneth doesn’t tell you this, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Putting lemon in your water makes you feel like you are drinking water at a fancy restaurant. Lemons are cheap and water is free. It’s OK if you are drinking it in your bed that is also full of pizza crumbs.

Sit outside and read. (If you are wearing sunglasses, just stare at other people.) Acting like you have loads of time to lounge and read is luxurious. No one has to know it’s only because you are between jobs. Sometimes you can sit outside a coffee shop and not even buy anything and almost no one will notice.

Forget that someone has likely puked or fornicated in your shower/tub recently. Fill that bathtub up and light a candle and listen to Fiona Apple. Drink some cheap wine, if you have it. I’m sorry if you cry.

Leave your air conditioning on for a little bit longer than you know you should.

Once a month, buy a piece of fresh organic fruit.

Wear a long skirt or maxi dress and kind of glide around instead of just “walking.”

Go on an unintentional cleanse: puke up last night’s cheap liquor and eat only a popsicle for the rest of the day.

Put lotion on your legs.

Shave your legs.

Art direct your lame food and then put a good Instagram filter on it.

Put an inspirational Post-it note on your bathroom mirror: “Mom will probably transfer $50 into your bank account if you need it.”

Previously: Teeth Dreams

Photo via aleesha/flickr.

Sarah-Grace Sweeney is a recent journalism graduate and a current gluten-free, yoga-practicing Ciara lover. In a past life she had purple hair. You can follow her at @sarahgrace317.