What My Mom Wants Me to Blog About Instead of This

My Mom: Hi! I didn’t know you were blogging today!!

Me: You’re obsessed with my Twitter

My Mom: I don’t understand most of what you’re posting, but you should talk instead about more fun and happy things! Have you heard that song “Happy”? Put that up! People would love it!

Me: You’re killing me.

My Mom: What about Sara Bareilles!! She’s really cool! Also you need more news. I think you should blog about Monica Lewinsky. People find her fascinating! [inserts USA Today article from a week ago]

Me: Who? Doesn’t ring a bell.

My Mom: Are you kidding?? She did umm, you know, with Clinton!! I can find an article about it, I just hope weird things don’t come up if I search for it…

Me: No, I was kidding!! Please don’t google whatever you were about to google! Gotta go…

My Mom: Wait! You should write more pop culture posts. I read that The Mentalist just got renewed for another season starring sexy Simon Baker!!! [inserts USA Today article link]

Me: Eeesh.

My Mom: Also do guys read The Hairpin? You should write about things that would be interesting to them too! Like funny stories about sports and your niece!!

Me: Yeah, guys do love both sports and baby stories…

My Mom: I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic? Ok, my last suggestion! For fashion news, I saw that Coldwater Creek is closing 🙁 But we still have Chico’s! Ok, I’m meeting a friend for coffee. Can’t wait to gossip!

Me: Ooh about what?

My Mom: Just normal girl talk. She’s a divorcee so she has good stories. Also she also thinks her dad’s nurse is trying to kill him. Be on later!