Nobody Told Me About the Chocolate Toothpaste

A Daily Mail headline just asked me if I would pay $120 for chocolate toothpaste, and I was like, “Absolutely not, but I’ll click, which is the real answer to your question,” so then I started reading about a fancy ingestible toothpaste (Luxury oral care firm Theodent use an extract from the cacao plant instead of flouride (sic), something they say is a family-friendly alternative substance, not least because it tastes like pudding). It sells at Whole Foods if you’re interested, but probably you’re not, because you’re all highly intelligent and this is $120 toothpaste we’re talking about here.

But then, the buried lede: a low-cost alternative! Crest has a new line called, naturally, “Be,” which features three toothpaste… flavors? If you are INSPIRED™ you might like Vanilla Mint Spark™. If you are more the DYNAMIC™ type, maybe I can interest you in Lime Spearmint Zest™. If everyone’s always called you ADVENTUROUS™ you will surely want to take the Mint Chocolate Trek™. BE™ whoever you have always — and inarticulately, until the toothpaste nailed it — known yourself to BE™.