Amer-Wreckin’ Pie: US History in Roller Derby Names

by Nicole Matos

All registered names are real and pulled from the International RollerGirl’s Master Roster site.

Abe Drinkin

Al Strapone

Affirmative Smacktion

Amber Waves of Pain

An Inconvenient Ruth

Annie Choakley

Arnold Swartz-a-skater

Barbara Butch

Barbrawl Walters

Bein’ A Dick Arnold

Benjamin Spanklin

Betsy Toss

Betty Floored

Bitch Cassidy

Bleed the Fifth

Bollock Obama

Booker Tease

Bondage N. Clyde

Bruisin’ B. Anthony

Buzzkill Aldrin

Carmen Miranda Rights

Condoleeza Slice

Cuban Menstrual Crisis

Daniel Boom

Derby Crockett

Dubya T. Eff

Ejectoral College

Elvis Refley

Fort Knocks

Gaseous Clay

General Grant Slam

General Lee Sweaty

Geneva Contention

Georgia W Tush

Global Warning

Grassy Noll

Groucho skidMarx

Habeas Kickass

Half-Nelson Rockefeller

Hangin’ Chad

Harriet Beat’cher Ho

Harriet Thugman

Heleanor Throosevelt

Hellion Keller

Henrietta Kissingher

Hurricane Skatrina

Ira Gash

Jackie Own Asses

Janet Meano

John F. Penalty

Justice Feelgood Marshall

Killary Klinton

Laura Biting Citizen

Liberty Belle

Lee Derby Oswald

Lehman Smothers

Margaret Thrasher

Manticore Lewinsky

Mace Em Dixon

Madeline AllFight

Malcolm Sex

Maul of America

Mike Huckabitch

Miranda Wrights

Michelle O’ Bomb Ya

Mount Crushmore

Nancy Raygun


President Evil


Points DeLeon

Polly Tickle

Potomac Ripper

Punk Sue Tawney

Sandra Day O’Clobber

Sarah Painlyn

Scar Spangled Banner

Semper Fiasco

Shankee Doodle


Rehabigail Adams

Richard Vixen

Rock the Vogt

Rockets Redglare

Rogue V Wade

Rosie the Pivoter

Ruth Hater Ginsberg

Ralph Weirdo Emerson

Richard Vixen

Rip Van Whistle

Rutherford B. Crazed

Sox Populi

Spars and Strikes

Susan B. Amputee

Teddy Bruisevelt

The Randi Canyon

The Secret Cervix

Tip-Her Gore

Val Capone

Photo via larry1732/flickr.

Nicole Matos is a Chicago-based writer, professor, and roller derby girl. Her work has appeared in such publications as Salon, The Classical, The Rumpus, theNewerYork, The Atticus Review, THE2NDHAND txt, berfrois, Aperion Review, Chicago Literati, neutrons protons, Vine Leaves, Requited, Burningword, Monkeybicycle, Oblong, and others.