For Two People, A Wedding Announcement

by Emma Barrie

Tara Marie Goldsmith and Rhett Ryan Johnson were married May 27th in Central Park. “A lot of people get married in May because it’s nice out,” Tara said.

The couple met on OkCupid three years ago when Tara was 27 and Rhett was 29. Under things he couldn’t live without, Rhett listed “oxygen,” which Tara thought humorous. Under things she couldn’t live without, Tara listed “chapstick” and “her friends,” which to Rhett, seemed good enough.

Their first date was at a sort of nice restaurant in Manhattan. When asked about the name, neither could recall. “It was the kind of restaurant with cloth tablecloths, not paper,” Rhett said. “No, I’m pretty sure they were paper,” Tara remembered. “I remember, because there was a jar in the middle with crayons. I was doodling when I got bored.”

They decided to go dutch because Rhett wasn’t really feeling it. “She kept talking about her family and her job,” he said. “I get it, but come on.” Tara also wasn’t that interested. “When I didn’t laugh at his jokes, he told me I just didn’t get his sarcasm. But that it was ok, because most people didn’t.”

Tara, however, pursued it. “My biological clock was ticking. I kept seeing on Facebook so many of my friends from high school were getting married, and I was just falling further and further behind. And Rhett was nice.”

Tara wanted to date a guy for at least three years before marriage, and she wanted to get married by the time she was thirty. “So, you do the math,” she said. Rhett had been in so many dead-end relationships; he just wanted one to finally work, so he agreed to go out on another date. “I mean, she was really nice,” he said.

They went out again, except this time, they both tried harder.

Six months ago, Rhett and Tara came to the conclusion they should get married because “it was time,” they said in unison. “I don’t want to wait too long to have a baby,” Tara said. “The older you get, the more likely it has like, an extra arm or something.”

Rhett agreed. “Yeah, we should probably have a baby before you get too old.”

Emma Barrie has also written for the New York Times and The Rumpus.