Three Years of Gchats Trying to Convince My Best Friend to Like Drake

JUNE 6, 2010

me: well considering the fact that i only listened to drake yesterday, i’d say that’s a bad idea

Olivia: hahahah

Olivia: nah

JUNE 9, 2010

me: i feel you girl

yo so drake has a song on his new album called fancy

and it’s all about how he only likes girls that are smart as well as beautiful

my heart is aflutter

Olivia: jesus

sometimes your crushes elude me

JUNE 10, 2010


i want you to like it

just like it

Olivia: hahah oh man ok


me: yo i should send you the wayne/drake song

he says some fucked up shit

Olivia: hahahha

me: i’m gonna send it

Olivia: thanx

Olivia: haha this is weird

IN AN EMAIL, JUNE 13, 2010

To Olivia:

read it and realize how wrong you are you wrong piece of poopy with a dumb face:

[No response.]

IN AN EMAIL, JUNE 15, 2010

To Olivia:

8.4 FOR DRAKE RECORD. love this so much.

[No response.]


me: i’m listening to nick drake

does that make me a pussy

Olivia: nope. love nick drake

OCTOBER 11, 2010

me: okay

you need to download

“up all night” by drake

i’m serious

Olivia: k

me: that’s with the good nicki verse

Olivia: i wish his voice didn’t annoy me

OCTOBER 15, 2010

me: i had a sex dream about drake

Olivia: hahah gross


To Olivia:

the new drake album is good, not that you would ever care about that. how was hawaii?

To me:

[Redacted long discussion about Hawaii]

drake sucks


DECEMBER 14, 2011

me: do you like this: “drinks on the house like snoopy”

Olivia: wut that mean

i like it though

me: you know how snoopy sits on a house

Olivia: ooohhh


me: isn’t that funny

Olivia: yeah pretty good

did you think that up just for gchat

me: hahahhahahaha

no, drake thought it up just for gchat


[No response.]

APRIL 12, 2012

[Emailed link to “HYFR” video.]

Olivia: this makes me like him so so much more


that’s all i wanted in life

was for you to like drake just a little more

Olivia: hahaha you fucking would like that guy in the green shirt

me: hahahahahaa whatever, call me predictable

he’s a total weirdo

and how about cute little baby drake in the beginning

Olivia: that was dope

APRIL 13, 2012

Olivia: hahahaha what

only my dad is kind of sort of jewish

but not really

me: whatever

can’t be as jewish as drake

re-bar mitzvahed

Olivia: it’s true

me: get this

a flying cockroach

just flew right into my computer

DECEMBER 7, 2012

me: do you think drake is freaky in bed

Olivia: haha he strikes me as sort of boring in bed actually

DECEMBER 26, 2012

me: why don’t guys like drake then

too threatening

Olivia: dunno, i think they like drake?

me: nah


Olivia: hm


i don’t like rihanna

is that the same?

me: i feel like maybe

FEBRUARY 6, 2013

Olivia: also just been listening to drake “shut it down “ all day

why must i punish my vagina with this muisc

me: omg that song.

Olivia: yeah

me: i won’t listen.

Olivia: i just want to bang immediately

me: mad men is bad enough

FEBRUARY 7, 2013

me: haha

glad you’ve come around to the church of drake

welcome, sister

Olivia: hahah

yeah i just had take care on in the background last night

and i got real into it

me: yeah he’s a winner

but gets my loins grooving

Olivia: hahaha

i think it’s dangerous to listen to this much r&b and stuff though

i just feel like i want to hit the clubs at all times

and wear gold sequin dresses and stuff

and develop a coke habit

me: hahahaha

or a champagne habit

and stay up all night

sort of thing

Olivia: yeah totally

i’m just like FUCK what i am DOING reading books??

FEBRUARY 11, 2013

me: i feel SO much in my loins

when i look at pictures of drake

[No response.]

MARCH 11, 2013

me: the weeknd and drake are beefing right now

give me so much lol

Olivia: haha what could they possibly have to fight about? both rich, both hip hop superstars, both well dressed

what is your problem. REALLY.

MAY 30, 2013

[A conversation about Charlie St. Cloud.]

Olivia: what would you do if your boyfriend was talking to his dead brother and

wouldn’t go on a trip with you because he had to play catch with him every day

me: i’d be like


unless that boyfriend was drake or zac efron

then i’d be like ‘i understand, sweetie’

AUGUST 6, 2013 [TODAY]

me: can you listen to music at ur new work

Olivia: yes

but brb i get sandwich. 10 min.

me: it’s 11:30 ?


me: important:

listen to that

i died

feels like solange


Olivia: back


me: did u listen

Olivia: i did

i like it


if you live in a mansion on the beach

me: like this

Olivia: yup

[Half hour pause.]

Olivia: i’m not that good of a girl and i know it

Previously: Bottom Shelf Nail Polish Names

Dayna Evans is a writer and a musician. You can find her writing here, her music here, and her tweets at @hidayna.