If Justin Bieber Were to Have Sex in Space
The main issue with space sex is the lack of gravity. One of the things that makes sex on earth really convenient and possible is that gravity helps your partner’s sex parts stay connected. If Justin Bieber were to try to have sex in space, after the first thrust he and his partner would be sent flying in opposite directions and into the bulkheads, and suddenly you’ve got two bleeding naked people which, to most, isn’t very sexy.
Justin Bieber has reserved a $250,000 spot on Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo, a sub-orbital space plane scheduled for launch by 2015. Noiseyasks the hard questions (could Bieber kill a man in space? How will he poop? What are the odds that Justin Bieber will die in space [3.3 percent!]) and also provides a few solutions.
“He could strap someone down to the bulkhead if he wanted to get kinky. Or, he could have a sleeping bag type situation with Velcro, or he could use my Snuggle Tunnel.” The Snuggle Tunnel is a product designed by Coniglio specifically to tackle the issue of space sex. “Part of it’s attached to the bulkhead. It’s a tube that stretches out and has enough room for people to maneuver in, but is just small enough so people don’t fly too far.”
What if you blacked out at a party and blacked back in to find yourself having sex with Justin Bieber in a “Snuggle Tunnel” on a commercial space plane? I would probably do an Arnold-from-Magic-School-Bus type helmet-removal maneuver on both myself and the Bieber, simultaneously ending my worst nightmare and also fulfilling the wishes of the passionate individuals who have signed a petition asking Richard Branson to just sort of “leave him there.”