[Move/Do Not Move] Directly to [New City/Another New City]
A question from the advice “line”:
So here’s the basic situation: When I resigned my lease to my current apartment, I knew that it would be my last year in that city. Since then, I got into a long-distance relationship, realized that I didn’t want to move to the city that I was planning on moving to, but really did want to move to the city where the boyfriend was (I should note: I had always kind of wanted to move to this New City, and rather fell in love with it over the course of the relationship). But whoops! Before my lease was up, we broke up, due mainly to the fact that we’ve always been long-distance, and that is really hard (have you heard? Long-distance relationships are really, really hard!), and also possibly due to the fact that I was taking birth control that was making me hormonal and just a wee bit (read: very) emotional and overly sensitive.
Well, when he broke up with me, I completely understood the reasons for the breakup and knew that it was the best thing for us at the time. I also knew that I still really, really wanted to move to New City anyway, we were on really good terms after the breakup and were both committed to remaining friends, and while I never wanted to be the kind of girl who would move somewhere just for the sake of a guy, I’m also not the kind of girl who wouldn’t move to a city she really, really wanted to move to just because an ex (who she’s on good terms with!) lives there as well. So I decided that I was going to move there, ex knows and is completely fine with it (and we’ve already talked about hanging out as friends when I get there).
So what’s the problem? The move is five months away, and while I’m not moving there because of him (and would still have decided to move even if he was in a serious relationship with someone else), I can’t. stop. thinking. about us getting back together when I move there. I almost wish that he would start dating someone else right away so that I stop stressing about it! But the combination of the facts that 1) the big reasons that we broke up are no longer going to be there, 2) the fact that we were both still in love when we broke up, and 3. I can’t really date anyone here to get over him, because I’ll be leaving soon make it so that it’s really hard for me to get past him and move on. So I suppose my question is, how on earth do I stop thinking about this and worrying about it? I would very much like to not worry about wanting to date this guy when I move out there (especially if he gets involved with someone else, and seeing as it’ll be several months before I get there, that’s completely within the realm of possibility). Help me get over this so I can move out there and date lots of great new people!
Wait, no, don’t move! Or do, but to a different city? Or to New City, why not! But since commenters here are as insightful as anyone I’ve encountered, anywhere, let’s leave this one open.
(Also, as we maybe-sort of transition our advice columns, how would people feel about occasionally leaving single questions open-ended like this? Is that cheap? Interesting? Both/neither?)
And if you have a question you’d maybe like to see addressed in a format like this, please send them thisaway.