When to Put Up Lace Curtains

“Pretty Nina, with her easy laugh and almost comically efficient organizational skills, athletic Ronald with his wit and willingness to rap at our karaoke parties.”
— And with what half-sentence would you like to be described in an essay detailing your divorce? For the record, I would accept “nice Edith, with her sturdy furniture and almost comically few instances of having lice/bedbugs.”