Texts From Don Quixote
by Mallory Ortberg
dragons everywhere –
where are there dragons?
where are you?
I am beset by dragons, my love!
there has been perfidy
in this strange land of iron islands
and wraiths that drape themselves in steam
are you in the kitchen?
no kitchen could produce a bellow so terrifying
nor a stench so foul
as that of these steel dragons
i think you are in the kitchen
they perch upon nests of flame!!
you are absolutely in the kitchen
that is the tea kettle
I WILL SLAY THEM ALL
please do not stab my tea kettle
ah, dear one
your concern for my safety does you credit
but a man must be brave
where is my steed
where is Rocinante
I REQUIRE SWIFTNESS
Previously: Texts From the American Girls.
Mallory Ortberg is a writer in the Bay Area. She is also the weekend editor at The Gloss.