The ChocoVine Chocolate Red Wine Cake

There are a few warnings on ChocoVine’s label:

1. Consume with in six months of opening.

2. Store in a cool, dark place.

3. Do not mix with acidic drinks!

4. Grape wine with artificial flavors, cream, and artificial colors.

That last one is most definitely a warning.

ChocoVine is actually quite complex. It starts off with a strong note of Yoo-hoo before transitioning into a deep cherry cordial. Legs of cream and what can only be described as “red wine” then dissipate into an aftertaste of … metal? It looks suspiciously gray. Store in a cool, dark place where you never have to look at it and consider that you’re about to put it in a cake.

Chocovine Cake (adapted from Smitten Kitchen).

Beat 6 tablespoons of room-temperature butter with an electric mixture until smooth. Add 3/4 cup of brown sugar and 1/4 cup of white sugar and beat, about 3 minutes, until fluffy. Add one egg plus one egg yolk, 3/4 cup of ChocoVine, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract and beat until combined.

Meanwhile, sift together 1 cup plus 1 tablespoon of flour, 1/2 cup cocoa powder, 1/8 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon. Slowly add to the batter (the cocoa will do that annoying thing where it just sorta sits on top and never mixes in but just keep going) and beat until almost fully combined, and then finish the rest of the mixing by folding it together with a rubber spatula.

The ingredients will combine into a suspiciously normal cake batter. You may be tempted to think this will just be a normal cake. I love your optimism! But let’s reserve judgment until we actually have to put this into our mouths, okay?

Oh right, you should have had the oven preheating to 325 and a 9-inch round cake pan buttered and floured. Pour the batter into the cake pan, and bake for about half an hour, or until a cake tester comes out clean. Let cool for about 10 minutes, then flip onto a plate and dust with confectioners sugar.

Hats off to a good recipe, because this cake could not be brought down by ChocoVine. Sure, it tasted a little more like Yoo-hoo than I’m sure was intended, but this will not stop you from eating all of it.

Previously: Alizé Gold Passion Pineapple Upside Down Cake.

Jaya Saxena is wondering why these concoctions aren’t grosser.