by Jon Cotner

Daniel & John

John: “When I was young, you had to say ‘trick or treat’ or tell a joke. Now kids just open their bags.”

This year I celebrated Halloween by asking neighbors to tell jokes. In certain towns — such as St. Louis, where I grew up — it’s a tradition to recite jokes on Halloween night.

Brando & JC

Brando: “Knock knock.”

Who’s there?

Brando: “Apple.”

Apple who?

Brando: “Apple pie.”


“There was a plane crash. Every single person died; couples lived.”


“Someone asked if he could drop off his tie instead of taking Milk Duds.”

Andy & Coco

Coco: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”


Coco: “Because he’s a chicken.”

Andy: “We’re working on it. She’s three.”


“Moron jokes were very popular when I was a kid. Have you heard the one about the moron who threw his clock out the window?”


“He wanted to see time fly.”

Roy, Willa & Cyntha

Willa: [Singing] “A — B — C — D — E — F — G — Gummy — Bear — is — chasing — me.”

Lucia, Alexa & Santiago

Alexa: “What did one glove say to the other glove?”

I’m not sure.

Alexa: “I glove you.”

Santiago: “What did the moose say to the goose?”

I don’t know.

Santiago: “Me neither.”

Dawn & David

David: “Why do ducks fly down?”


David: “Because they quack up. It’s a great one if you can understand.”


“I have a joke book, but I’ve forgotten the jokes.”


“There are so many kids. There’s no time for tricks or jokes.”

Sam, Giovanna & Eve

Eve: “Tonight someone said ‘Give me candy. Lots of it.’ She looked determined.”

Trinity, Drew, Alma & Angela

Alma: “Knock knock.”

Who’s there?

Alma: “Incredibly annoying cow.”


Alma: “Moooooo.”

Trinity: “Why do cows moo?”

I don’t know.

Trinity: “That’s how they talk.”


“What do you call fish without eyes?”

I’m not sure.


Nick, Christopher & Alexandra

Nick: “Chris calls everything a kitty.”


“Nothing seems funny right now. That’s why I’m the mean White Witch of Narnia.”

Elvis, Baby Elvis, Doctor Elvis

Doctor Elvis: “We’re too cool for jokes.”

Juan Pablo, Steffie & Simona

Steffie: “Tell him that one about the group of guys.”

Juan Pablo: “There are four men — a kleptomaniac, a pyromaniac, a zoophilic, and a masochist.”

A zoophilic?

Juan Pablo: “Someone sexually attracted to animals.”

Ok continue.

Juan Pablo: “A cat walks by, and the kleptomaniac says he’d like to steal it. The pyromaniac says it would be better to set it on fire. You can guess what the zoophilic wants. Then, looking at everybody, the masochist meows. It’s better in Spanish.”


“Tonight I gave kids an oyster instead of candy.”


“Can you make up a joke for me?”

Previously: Dads.

Jon Cotner has made other holiday-themed slideshows with Claire Hamilton. He’s coauthor of Ten Walks/Two Talks, and lives in Brooklyn.