Milklear Fission

Once upon a time in a faraway land called The Midwest there lived a mean little girl named Barista. Each morning, a lovely and kind woman came to Barista, begging for some warm milk and espresso. “But not too warm,” the woman would plead, for she believed if Barista warmed the milk above 120 degrees, its calories would increase. And each morning Barista obliged, but mocked the woman in her head, and also out loud to anyone who would listen.

Years went by and something tragic probably happened to the woman — who knows, she was pretty old to begin with — but Barista often thought of her, particularly when folks in the news would make ridiculous scientific claims. “That reminds me of the ‘heat creates calories’ lady! Haha, calories are energy and you can’t create energy.” Ah, so Barista reads the news? Sure, sometimes. And today she owes that lovely, kind, and possibly dead woman an apology. (Sort of. I mean, it would be more cut and dry had she ordered a sweet potato or meat, but still. Sorry.)

Elsewhere: eggs.