Name That Bride

by Sarah Marshall

A. “A suit of midnight blue with a matching hat trimmed with leather ribbons and buckles [and] a bouquet of orchids and small white flowers.”

B. In the bride’s words: “I was wearing my aunt’s dress and my mother’s shoes. The dress hung down below my knees. I had to be the ugliest bride you ever saw.”

C. “A short white silk dress [the bride] had bought at Ransohoff’s in San Francisco on the day John Kennedy was killed.”

D. “A ‘princess-style’ light pink satin gown with leg-o-mutton sleeves, a lace-covered bodice and cuffs covered with hand-sewn pearls, sequins and crystal beads” that “was stolen … before it was to be sent to the Smithsonian.”

E. “A sweater and a skirt and no hat.”

F. “A dress of ivory tissue silk, with a portrait neckline, fitted bodice, and a bouffant skirt embellished with bands of more than fifty yards of flounces, [with a] rosepoint lace veil … draped from a tiara of lace and orange blossoms.”

G. “A dress that had belonged to Frances Farmer, the tragic Hollywood actress.”

H. “A pearl-and-lace-trimmed silk organdy design [by Priscilla of Boston] with a lower-cut neckline that supposedly dismayed her mother.”

I. “A $26,000 Monique Lhuillier strapless silk gown with a hand sewn train, cathedral length veil and matching half-gloves … a Cynthia Wolff diamond lace bracelet and Sergio Rossi sandals … and a Swarovski crystal and lace trimmed bouquet of white roses.”

J. “A floor-length wedding gown of [the bride’s] own design: white silk chiffon, with beaded yoke, trimmed in seed pearls and topped with a three-foot tulle veil secured by a rhinestone crown.”

K. “Designed by Helen Rose … the gown was the most expensive dress that Rose had ever made. [It] consisted of a rounded collar, full skirt of ivory peau de soie, and a fitted bodice made from Brussels lace embroidered with seed pearls. The lace was over a century old and had flower designs in it. 25 yards of silk taffeta and 100 yards of silk net were used in the construction of the dress.”

L. “An old-fashioned looking dress designed by Jessica McClintock. [The bride] had hurridly purchased the dress at Dillard’s department store.”

M. A “high-necked, puff-sleeved, micro-mini wedding dress” designed by the bride, along with “fresh white flowers woven into her elaborate do.”

N. “An ivory silk taffeta and antique lace gown, with a 25-foot train, valued then at £9000 … The making of the dress posed difficulties, given that [the bride] had developed bulimia and had dropped from a size 14 to a size 10 in the run-up to the wedding.”

O. “[The bride], whose gown was created by designer Jef Billings, did her own hair and makeup at home.”


1. Marilyn Monroe to Arthur Miller

2. Courtney Love to Kurt Cobain

3. Tricia Nixon to Edward Cox

4. Britney Spears to Kevin Federline

5. Grace Kelly to Prince Rainer III of Monaco

6. Zelda Sayre to F. Scott Fitzgerald

7. Hillary Rodham to Bill Clinton

8. Jacqueline Bouvier to John F. Kennedy

9. Loretta Webb to Oliver “Doolittle” Lynn

10. Priscilla Beaulieu to Elvis Presley

11. Nancy Kerrigan to Jerry Solomon

12. Diana Spencer to Charles, Prince of Wales

13. Laura Webber to Luke Spencer

14. Sharon Tate to Roman Polanski

15. Joan Didion to John Gregory Dunne

Answers: A=6, B=9, C=15, D=13, E=1, F=8, G=2, H=3, I=4, J=10, K=5, L=7, M=14, N=12O=11

Sarah Marshall’s fiction has most recently appeared in Hayden’s Ferry Review.

Photo via Flickr/peagreengirl