An Imagined Conversation With the Guy Who Wrote Toto’s Wiki Entry
The Guy: A lot of people I talk to think that Steve Porcaro left in 1988 and never looked back, but he returned on synthesizers in 2010.
Us: That’s cool. We love your infographic! It’s really exhaustive.
The Guy (modestly): Thanks. You know, it’s not perfect, not yet.
Us: Yeah, I mean, are you open to taking notes?
The Guy: Um, yeah, I guess.
Us: It’s just, wow, SO much detail on instrumentation and timeline, which is great, but those of us who might not, you know, have a formal Toto background might like to know more about WHY people left? Like, we didn’t know that Jeff Porcaro is dead, so maybe you could use a different notation to indicate “left” versus “passed away.” Or, to be even clearer, a third thingie for people who left and THEN passed away later.
The Guy (stiffly): I feel like most people who are looking at my infographic have enough of a Toto background to know that Jeff Porcaro is dead.
Us: But, what if you didn’t really know about Toto until the last episode of Family Guy featured a strip club scene with “Africa” playing in the background?
Us: Okay, next question. Looking at the infographic, which, again, so helpful, we’re noticing that there’s not a lot of crossover between vocals and OTHER THINGS. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but the only person who sang AND played an instrument was Steve Lukather?
The Guy: That’s not so strange. Not everyone was Levon Helm, you know.
Us (triumphantly): OKAY, I think we have a correction, then, because within your own entry, there’s a second chart that makes it appear as though David Paich supplied keyboards AND vocals, as did Greg Phillinganes. But that isn’t visible in your infographic.
The Guy: Look, the infographic may not be as complete as it could be, but do you actually want me to add an extra line every time a musician hummed along? The infographic is obviously meant to represent the PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITIES of the band members.
Us: Then, maybe a note to that effect? Like “this infographic is for entertainment purposes only, please do not think it’s a valid representation of the actual musicianship of Toto”?
The Guy: What, exactly, is your dog in this fight? Do you even know that “Rosanna” is named after BUT NOT ABOUT Rosanna Arquette?
Us: We’re just people who think that if you’re going to do a job, you need to do it right. Simple people. Internet people. Thanks for talking to us today.