Ask a Clumsy Person

You WILL thank me later, guys. Here’s what I want you to do. Get a Ziploc bag. Put it in your purse. Go about your life. Unless you are a minimalist, you will totally buy things that come with those little silica gel packets. The ones that say “do not eat” for no reason?

Okay, every time you get one, toss it in the Ziploc bag. People will think you’re nuts. Ask your friends for theirs! Do this for the rest of your life.

Now, some day, and, believe me, that day will come, you’re going to drop your phone in the toilet. Or, if you’re me, the dog’s water dish.

The MINUTE that happens (okay, the minute after you fish it out and hurl obscenities at the world), drop that mother in the Ziploc bag and seal it. Do not touch it for 24 hours. It’s like the uncooked rice trick, but with greater moisture-sucking power and less dust. Oh, yeah, you can learn about this elsewhere on the internet, but it’s kind of a Captain Hindsight suggestion.

Here’s the thing. You may decide not to do this, because none of us ever think we will ever again drop our phone in the toilet. But we will. We all will. One of us is probably doing it right now.

Just be honest with yourself, okay? The worst thing that can happen is that people will see you collecting silica packets.

I lied. The worst thing that can happen is getting caught swiping extra packets from purses at Century 21. Don’t do that.