50 Shades of Grey

by Lauren Bans

An exclusive look at the list that women everywhere are masturbating to!

Light grey
Dark grey
Medium grey
Musty beige grey
Mauve-y grey
Old man whiskers grey
Duck Duck grey
Wall Street banker’s couch grey
That’s totally a really light blond hair grey
That’s totally a really light blond pube grey
Dolphin body grey
Seal body grey
Walrus body grey
Steve Buscemi body grey
Oops I forgot those English muffins were back there grey
Nintendo box grey
Bodily discharge grey
Cloudy morning grey
Cloudy evening grey
Sardine grey
Tuna Salad grey
Vomit after eating grey tuna salad grey
Lavender tea grey
Opium tea grey
Squirrel grey
Garbage can grey
Quarter life crisis grey
Full moon grey
Half moon grey
Winter feet grey
Pedicurist vision fade upon seeing winter feet grey
I went to college caesious
Seriously I’m really smart you should consider producing spawn with me liard
Drunkard fingernail grey
Bad hash grey
Good hash grey
Winter depression grey
Spring depression grey
Summer depression grey
Fall depression grey
Pillow drool grey
Unclean coffee machine grey
Bad steak grey
Dirty sock grey
Must clean shower tomorrow grey
Must take shower tomorrow grey
Dead for three days grey
Dead for 18 days grey

Lauren Bans is an editor at GQ.