How Not to Order a Drink
by Camille Santochi
Me: I’d like the beer I had the last time I was here.
Bartender: we have a lot of beer on tap here.
Me: It was different, you know?
Bartender: Different how?
Me: It tasted like cherries.
Bartender: A sweet flavor?
Me: No, sour cherry flavor. Yeah, bitter. Uh, hopsy.
Bartender: Do you know what hopsy means?
Me: Yeah … hopsy is … hopsy.
Bartender: Let me give you one to taste, this is [unrecognizable German-sounding beer name].
Me: Hmmm, nope.
Bartender: … Do you like it?
Me: Yeah, it’s fine. I just really want the sour cherry beer.
Bartender: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Me: It’s okay. I’ll just have a Blue Moon.