Where Is Jane When You Need a Winter Body Wash?

Does anyone else have any advice on a body wash and/or associated lotion that will keep your skin from looking like Smaug, Lord of the Mountain within forty-five minutes of toweling off?

(Even nerdier references: The Face of Boe, and Eustace after he put on the bracelet.)

Well-meaning suggestions involving taking fewer OR cooler showers in the winter (to hell with you, Women’s Health) will be dismissed with extreme prejudice.