The Explained Breakup
She was my big college crush. My only college crush, really — a woman for whom I undertook a sustained four-year campaign of pained pining via reams of AOL IM conversations, hours of long-distance phone calls, and a barrage of mix CDs so leaden with lovelorn balladry that I wouldn’t be surprised if the track lists spelled-out “H-E-A-R-T M-E, P-L-E-A-S-E” in acrostic.
A few months after my college graduation, she came back to D.C. for the weekend. I took a day trip up to Baltimore with her to see a concert and, on the way home, she scooted her hand into mine and we twined our fingers next to the gearbox of her Ford Explorer. Three months later, I unceremoniously dumped her because she had never had a job.
No need to wonder, Aaron Leitko dumped you because you wanted to be a housewife.