Deleted by User

by Pixie Casey

Deletion Explanations: November 4, 2011

12:47 a.m.
Post in Question: Checking Back in With Qream
Original Comment: Is relly noso bad u guys r eal if with icea crem
Reason for Deletion: Hit “delete your comment” four times, reading it as “delightful comment,” and feeling mighty proud of myself.
Deleted Within: 3 minutes, 58 seconds

9:22 a.m.
Post in Question: Women Struggling to Drink Water
Original Comment: “I don’t get it?”
Reason for Deletion: GOT IT, embarrassed about not getting it and Valley Girl intonation suggested by unnecessary question mark, forgave myself for not getting it by blaming it on a Qream hangover, did not forgive myself for having said Qream hangover/drinking Qream in the first place.
Deleted Within: 1 second

10:53 a.m.
Post in Question: Let’s All Make…
Original Comment: “Why don’t you shut up, Bryce? I am so sick of your shit. You know what? Just get out. Get out of here. Get out, Bryce.”
Reason for Deletion: Mistakenly entered text into Hairpin commenting box instead of MS Word file containing my novel, Get Out, Bryce, about a woman who really would like a man named Bryce to get out.
Deleted Within: 57 seconds

2:52 p.m.
Post in Question: Whoosh
Original Comment: “We’ll all probably die because of an asteroid like this someday.”
Reason for Deletion: Inaccuracy; we will all probably die due to various other things.
Deleted Within: 1 minute, 23 seconds

3:14 p.m.
Post in Question: Friday Bargain Bin: Come Fly With Me
Original Comment: “Raisins are so gross. Is this a flight to Hell? That’s where raisins belong. Dumb raisins.”
Reason for Deletion: Super rude to Jane, who was just trying to suggest a decent travel snack. Sorry, Jane. (Not really sorry to you, raisins. You know what, raisins? Just get out. Get out of here. Get out, raisins.)
Deleted Within: 37 seconds

9:47 p.m.
Post in Question: Man Secrets and “What About That Other Thing I Was Doing?”
Original Comment: A heartfelt quote about love that I felt was appropriate at the time, but had to delete, for reasons I can not give you, not now, perhaps not ever.
Reason for Deletion: “That’s none of your damn business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.”- Detective Ace Ventura, 1994
Deleted Within: 3 minutes, 12 seconds

11:58 p.m.
Post in Question: Banana Karenina and Other Works of Literature
Original Comment: “Get Out, Rice”
Reason for Deletion: Realized that my novel, Get Out, Bryce, has not been published yet and so no one would get my hilarious pun. Also realized the novel may never be finished, as I’m currently unsure how to make Bryce get out, which renders the title and four completed pages of a woman saying, “Why don’t you get out, Bryce?” fairly unusable. Why doesn’t he get out? I may never crack that code.
Deleted Within: 1 minute, 43 seconds, but it lingers. It lingers.

Pixie Casey is a staff writer for Rookie and will give thanks later this month for The Hairpin’s delete function.