Ask a Clean Person: A Look Back, By Topic

A Clean Person left for another vacation, because she knows you’re not making your bed and she wants to give you some time to think about what you did, but before she left, she sorted through the archives and organized all the questions by topic. Now go forth and clean! And ask her some new questions! (And make your bed.)

Your Clothes & Accessories
Stain removal for the bustier among us
What to do about smokey-smelling clothes when you’re on the road
Doing battle with ‘pit stains
Hand washing bras
Setting the color in dark denim
Jewelry cleaning 101
Getting bicycle grease stains off clothing
Cleaning canvas shoes
Chocolate stains on leather
Tackling shoe polish stains
What to do when your boyfriend barfs in your handbag
How to polish and store leather boots
Pulling a grease stain out of leather
Cleaning discolored or scuffed patent leather shoes
Getting super glue out of jeans
Keeping makeup from staining jacket collars
Underwear replacement cycles
Wite-Out stains
Cleaning colored leather shoes
Hand washing cashmere
Gummy, gunky boots
Barf stains on corduroy
Blood Stains on Underthings
De-pilling sweaters
Removing salt stains from suede and leather
Machine washing down parkas
Cleaning faux fur trim
Getting odors our of wool coats
UGG cleaning 101
Dealing with spills on ties
Do you own a Coach bag? Do you have a question about cleaning it? READ THIS
Just… don’t buy used bike shorts, okay?

Your Bedroom
What to do about cum stains on sheets
How to get a stinky comforter smelling fresh again
Getting yellowed linens white again
Getting barf stains out of decorative pillows
Cleaning a forced-heat radiator
Getting pee stains out of mattresses
Caring for silk sheeting
Lint removal for bedding and other large surfaces
Washing oversized comforters and mattress pads
Washing greasy sheets
Mascara Stains on Pillowcases
#LAMOB round-up

Your Bathroom

Cleaning a shower curtain liner
A not-gross way to clean the toilet
Cleaning jacuzzi jets
That weird orange stuff in the shower/toilet, what is it? What do I do about it?
Getting a pee-pee-smelling bathroom fresh again
Red hair dye stains, and how to cope
Clogged drains

Your Kitchen
The basics of hard cleaning a kitchen
Tending to your copper cookware
Beautifying Le Creuset and other enameled cast iron
Dishwashing secrets for the un-dishwashered among us
Caring for Silpat
Cleaning and caring for cast iron
Refrigerator cleaning and organization
How to clean an oven using oven cleaner
Cleaning a greasy vent hood
Getting discolored tea pitchers looking sparkly again
How to deodorize a garbage disposal
Defrosting and cleaning a freezer
Removing smells from cutting boards and plastic food storage containers
Cleaning burnt-on gunk from the bottom of your favorite pot
Make your stovetop gleam
Cleaning up greasy spills

Your Furniture
Getting frosting off a couch
Removing tree sap from fabric
How to get chocolate stains off an upholstered couch

Your Walls & Floors
Everything you ever wanted to know about cleaning your floors
Waging war against nicotine stains on walls
Learning to cope when your home starts sprouting mushrooms
Removing grease stains from walls
Getting leg wax up off the floor
Confetti-stained floors
Getting denim stains out of light colored carpeting
What do to when your floors get stained with dye

Your Smells
Getting the stench of cigarettes out of your home
Removing musty smells from the home
Unstinkifying stinky shoes
Deodorizing a smelly mattress
What to do about Boy Smell
Getting the smell out of faux fur-lined leather slippers
Addressing bedpan odors
Your sandals stink. I can help.
Also the desk drawer you’re keeping them in, that stinks too.

Your Critters
Cleaning up after a mouse invasion
Getting rid of roaches, fruit flies and pantry moths
Cleaning critter-infested fur

Your #@#&$*%@ Cats
Getting the cat pee smell out of carpeting
Getting cat pee out of tile
Removing cat barf stains from wood floors
Keeping a litterbox smelling okay
Contending with cat hair on tile floors
Removing cat pee stains from a white comforter

Your Products
Basic cleaning routines and product recommendations
How to clean green! Products, techinques and a million commenter recs for living a more eco-friendly life
Buying a vacuum for a small home
Deep thoughts on humidifiers and cooties
Making cleaning a juicer easier, plus a discussion of whether to juice at home or order out
A magic wand for germaphobes

Your Workspace

White boards
Upholstered inherited office chairs
Keeping a keyboard, mouse, handset, etc on a desk clean

Your Big Jobs

Bedroom organization solutions
Opening a home that’s been unoccupied for some time
Cleaning the home of someone with a compromised immune system
Tackling a major clean-up and the follow-up!

Getting tree sap off a car
How to care for your sex toys
The pre-vacation clean up
Housesitter clean-up etiquette
Getting gunky vases sparkling clean
How to clean your retainer
Cleaning leather strap-on harnesses
Tackling permanent marker stains
What to do when you spill nail polish
Getting your DivaCup clean
Cleaning pre- and post-move
How to clean your weed smoking apparatus
Cleaning wax off a menorah
Everything you ever wanted to know about washing produce but were too afraid to ask

Jolie Kerr is not paid to endorse any of the products mentioned in this column, but she sure would be very happy to accept any free samples the manufacturers care to send her way! Are you looking for a green alternative to the suggestions found here? Because we’ve got some! More importantly: Is anything you own dirty?

Image by Borat, via Shutterstock