Sweet Talk or Real Talk: Decoding First Date Compliments

by Rose Surnow

What he says/ What he means

1. You are unlike any girl I’ve ever dated/ My family doesn’t really like Jews.

2. I wanna take you to the beach, cuddle up with some blankets and watch the sunset/ I’m broke.

3. You have this special way about you/ Were you home-schooled?

4. You are hilarious/ Which is why I’m not attracted to you.

5. I feel like I could tell you anything/ I am Kaiser Sozay.

6. Your hair is GORGEOUS. Who cuts it?/ I’m just tired, maybe we can have sex another time, like when you turn into a boy.

7. I love you/ I’m super crazy.

8. You’re so cool, I wanna smoke weed with you/ Yes, TECHINCALLY, I’m 35, but wait until you see my room!

9. You have an incredible smile/ I collect teeth for the forest witch.

10. You’re great in bed/ Nice knowing you.

Rose Surnow is a stand-up comic/writer/actor/Jew. She was featured on Huffington Post as a funny comic to follow on twitter, so her tweets are pretty fly.